I have a million things to feel sad about.
I have a million things to feel happy about.
When people mention love and honor and joy and strength and unity and faith, certain neurons fire in my head that lead to warm fuzzy feelings.
When people mention pain and strife and hurricanes and tsunamis I feel a deep sense of foreboding and grayness.
Melancholy. Inconsequential. Trapped behind walls of too tired to be proactive and too uninspired to be inspiring. I’ve felt like this a lot lately.

I have a little boy.
I can’t believe how difficult it is to take care of him.
He’s incredibly nuts. He’s into everything. He cries about everything.
I love him so much. He rediscovered my belly button yesterday. He then proceeded to, with spurning from my wife, to zerbert my stomach. He would try, but his timing was off. Hilarious. You can’t buy laughter like that.

Isaiah can walk. He started about a week before his birthday. I didn’t blog about it. But man it was cool. You gotta move slow to move fast. He did. He just started out slow. Standing. Wobbling. One step. Two steps. If I wanted him to stop stepping now, it would be impossible. He’s so amazing. He’s too small to walk. Which makes it so cool when he does.

Annalisa and I have been exhausted lately. She works too hard. Hopefully we can sell the condo soon. We haven’t been involved with the church lately. I guess that happens when you start over new somewhere else.

I think I’m definitely happiest when I see Isaiah playing with other kids. Especially Lucia. I’m pretty sure they love each other and are pals.

We got pictures taken of Isaiah.

My fantasy football team won. We beat Squirtle Squad. My team never wins. So that’s pretty cool.

Chaos soccer made it to the semifinals the last two outdoor sessions. I’m incredibly proud. There’s nothing like going through a struggle like that together. I hope we get over the semi-finals hump. But top 4 out of about 20 teams isn’t bad. I do believe we have a groundwork to build on.

They’re building a Meijer across the street from where I work. It’s the first installment of 300 acres that is supposed to be beautiful. I hope it is.

We’re going to the Philippines next week for 3 weeks. Wedding and birthday party. I’ve never seen a cockfight. I hope I get to gamble.

I’ve been playing Magic with Kimmie and Ryan. Kimmie won’t like it that I’ve blogged about it. She has her own cards and wears a cape and everything. Ha. :)

I finally gave in and got lawn care. Apparently I’m not qualified to manage my own lawn. You know that feeling of accomplishment and success that comes with taking care of your lawn? I’ve never felt that. Everytime I’ve spent time managing my landscaping or cutting my lawn, all I feel is, “Damn. That was a waste of time. I’m just going to have to do this again next week.” We pay $18 a week now to have kids come in and cut the lawn. You might say, “Wow. That’s ridiculous. You’re throwing money out the window.” I might say, “Wow. I just bought more time to rest and not stress about what the neighbors think about my uncut lawn.”

I turned all my white socks pink by washing them with my brand new red garage rags.

I’m so proud of the wiring and lighting I did in the basement. I’m the man.

My poker game is slipping. Not that I had a significant one. But what little I had I’m losing.

Lately I’ve been wondering how lucky I really am with respect to casinos.

Timeless music:
- because music is personal, timeless music is defined by music that makes you feel the same as when you first felt it.
- Timeless music is music that if it dropped right now, it would still be a hit.

Stevie is timeless.

Farewell Bob.
Screw that. I hate you Bob. I’ve hated you for so long. All you ever did was make me feel bad about myself as if there weren’t a million other things for me to feel insecure about already. I can’t remember life without you and I can’t wait to experience it again.

A pouring out of sorts. That’s what happens if I’m not creative. Ever wonder if you were meant for more? Ever wonder if you were meant to contribute more to society than you have? What if you were meant for more and you haven’t been fulfilling your potential? What would happen then? Would you stagnate? Would you fall into a deep abyss of apathy and tv? What if you never do lose those last 10 pounds you’ve been meaning to? What if you never get on a good balanced diet? Would you just live life as you’ve been? For how long? What if you did accomplish your goals? Would you be happy then?

It’s never simple. You know those What Would Jesus Do bracelets? Those drove me nuts when they were popular. They still drive me nuts when I see them. They imply that it’s simple. It’s as if there is a crossroad, and you’re not sure which way to go, so you check your handy dandy W.W.J.D. bracelet and it points the right way so you smile and sigh and chuckle at your own silliness and go skipping along the right road content with yourself for providing yourself with a useful reminder of which road to take. It’s never like that. I would like to see Jesus in a real life predicament of my choosing. I would put Him in a position where He would have to choose between the feelings of His best friend, the feelings of His girlfriend, the feelings of His parents, and His co-worker’s feelings. In one action, the feelings of 2 of these people are going to get hurt or lead to pain and the other 2 are going to feel encouraged, and better about themselves. He would have to tell me what He would do and why. In one instance, why did He allow His girlfriend’s and best friend’s feelings to be hurt and why did He preserve His parent’s and co-worker’s feelings? In another instance why was it the opposite? How do you incorporate what you really think should be done, regardless of feelings? What if you did what you thought should be done, but now everyone thinks you’re cold and insensitive, leading them not to trust you with their emotions next time? So you did what you thought should be done, but now your future actions mean less now because others care less now. That’s real life. It’s never simple.

What Would Jesus Do in some of my real life predicaments? I… DON’T… FREAKING… KNOW.

So why wear a bracelet that only reminds me that the God I’m putting all my trust in is not being specific as to what I should do in especially difficult situations?

If the point of a bracelet is to remind myself of something, I would be more encouraged by Jeremiah 29:11.

“For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.”

Not calamity.
A future and a hope.