Pained. Sad. Aloof. Apathetic. Broken. Hopeless. Desensitized. Uncertain. Aware. Confused. Pensive. Bemused. Introspective. On the brink.

These are all words to describe how I felt when I watched Garden State. It’s rare when a movie can capture the pain of an entire generation.

“What do we do now?”

Isn’t that the question? Isn’t that always and often the question?

“I don’t know.”

This is the answer.

Impressed. Disturbed. Scared. Dangerous. Fearful. Amazed.

These describe how I felt when I watched Closer.

Closer. I asked a good friend of mine if he thought he had a lot of close friends and he told me, “not nearly as many as they think.” It’s very rare when you’re as close as you think you are.

In my mind there’s an obvious tie between Closer and Garden State other than a talented actress. The human condition of real pain is portrayed well in both. Machiavellian planning and awkward life lead to pain. Pain so deep you can’t describe it. Pain in the pit of your stomach. It doesn’t just exist because that implies a beginning and an end. It emits. It dwells. It consumes.
When people who have pain witness similar pain the world gets a millimeter smaller.

Sheer terror.
I know it.
A few nights ago I woke to find my son barely able to breathe. Two ER’s later I know words like Bronchialitis, Croupe, RSV, nebulizer, ampule, amoxicillin, and albuterol.
I haven’t cried yet. I might. That was really scary.
Being a parent is so difficult. I can already feel the frustration of the future when Isaiah rebels. But today I hug him tight because he can’t walk away yet. Hugs for me and for him and for me.

Being a landlord is very difficult.
When they’re late for their rent you should deliver a 7 day notice immediately. Once the 7 days is up, file a court case. The court date will be in about a week and will cost about $135. If the tenant doesn’t show up you get a default judgement. If the tenant doesn’t pay in 10 days, you move forward with the eviction process. Hopefully none of this happens during the holiday season so time is not taken away from your family during an important time of the year.

Finished the FunKtion DVD. There are only 40. You should get one. It’s dope and I worked so hard on it.

Entrepreneur.

Encore. I want more.

Feb. 4-6th. Spring Hill. Taking ACCESS there and I’m going as a counselor.
Change lives.

Buckle my seat belt, close drawers, and roll up diapers for Annalisa.