Normally after such a long hiatus, I would try and follow up with a well thought out blog with coherency and depth.
yawn.
Did you know who I used to be?I used to be darn interesting. Lock me in a room with you and I could entertain you for quite a while. Or at least I would nod and smile while you inevitably share all your life experiences and secrets with me. Darn interesting stuff.
I always wonder about people who think and think but never reach a conclusion. As if thinking were the point and not the medium. Is the point in the final picture or in the act of painting? We know it’s both. But what if you just kept painting with no vision or intent of a final picture?
I like reaching conclusions especially when I'm thinking about you and your mannerisms/style/inflection/eyes/bodylanguage/fantasyfootballpicks. So I'm gonna be a dad.Your interest in this fact is directly related to the magnitude of our friendship.I've learned that a lot of people basically shut down after asking the question, "Are you excited?"You can actually hear the hard drive spinning down.What do they care if I'm excited? If you're going to ask me, learn to pretend like you care.
Whoa.
I'm getting kinda tactless and insensitive. Reminiscent.
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Melancholy.Indifferent.Apathetic. Peaceful.Patient.Pensive. Fleeting emotions.

I miss being able to write. I still can, it’s just hard to make time. Stupid excuse to not use a gift. I’m filled with them.I haven’t been running.I haven’t been writing. I’ve been thinking.I’ve been hoping.I’ve been waiting.

On a silly note.
My friend and I at work are having a competition.We each have an hour to take a studio surface and model in 3d anything we want to make it into a fantastic killing machine. We then have a half hour to put together the powerpoint to present to the judges. Two other of my friends.Judging criteria:
A) Vehicle Attributes
1) Overall Destructiveness (20)
2) Practicality (30)
3) Feasibility (20)
4) Reliability (10)
5) Imagination (20)
6) Creative Use of Plague Infested Chickens (15)
B) Presentation
1) Purpose Clearly Presented (35)
2) Visually Appealing (35)
3) Informative (30)

I had some small input into the criteria. I’m going to get 15 point for sure.
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I got really emotional the other day just thinking. I think I'm going insane.
What got me so messed up was a story of a 10 year old girl's blind faith and innocence.
She was praying.
Somewhere inside her innocent and bluntly truthful prayer struck a chord.
You see a lot of times I really don’t think there is anything else I can do. Fear mixed with uncertainty mixed with insecurity. That’s a painful and humbling place for me to be. In the end, all you can do is ask.
My request is slightly different from hers but just as sincere.

I want Isaiah to be healthy.
Dear God, please let Isaiah be healthy.
And if he’s not, please give us the strength to endure.

Sometimes I just get so scared.