Um.

Annalisa woke up from a nap today at around 5:15pm... that's when the contractions really started....
they're about 6-10 minutes apart lasting for a minute or so....
If history says anything, we might be in the hospital tonight...
we could really use the prayers, Annalisa was sick with a fever the last couple days, and Isaiah threw up today in my hands...
I worked a bunch of over time this weekend for the first time in history...
stress levels are pretty high right now....

took the kids sledding today....

This is my first poem ever.... I'm not sure what grade I was in...
maybe 5th or 6th...

DEEP IN THE NIGHT
Deep in the night I lean out my window to see what I can see,
I feel the cold chill upon my face and the wind whispering to me,
But it is cold and I am tired, it would be silly for me to stay,
So I put my head upon my pillow and in my bed I lay,

Deep in the night I lean out my window to see what I can see,
I think I'll just sit here and stare at the stars, till one or two or three,
With thoughts about love and life and laughter, all dancing in my head,
My mind will wander endlessly until I go to bed.

---
hmm...
interesting.... the first thing I like is that it was written... it's hard to get kids to write and attempt to be creative...
the second thing I like is the alliteration in "wind whispering" and "silly...stay"
and "stare at the stars" and "love..life..laughter"
I don't like the wording of endlessly followed by until... because until doesn't imply endless at all.
I also don't like that even now it's hard to explore other meters than AABB AACC.

Siopao - Annalisa's Moms

Doughmaker
Yeast - 1 pack
3.5 cups of flour
1/2 cup of sugar
1 cup of 1/2%milk/skim milk - warm it up
pinch of salt
1/4 cup of oil
-
put in dough maker
dough is done
divide up dough in portions
put in filling - close it - put on paper
let stand for 1/2 hour
steam 25 min. - let water boil first

Filling
Pork - Western Cut - 3-4lbs.
Onion - White (2 onions)
Garlic - 2 Cloves
Sugar - ?
Soy Sauce - ?
Ground Black Pepper
Oil
1.5 hours for sauce

Boil Pork until cooked ~ 30min.
Put Salt while boiling 1/2 teaspoon
Dice pork after cooked
cut up onion as you would for sautee
crush garlic

Get big fry pan
put oil - sautee garlic until brown
onions limp
pork (stirring/sauteeing)
cup of water used to boil
soy sauce - pork is brown - pepper also
let boil til liquid 50% gone
put cup of sugar
try it... add whatever
wait until liquid is evaporated

--
could be done 2 or 3 days ahead
easier to make siopao when sauce is cold so refrigerate ahead of time

Parents click here.

If you want to be at a certain point 6 months from now...

6 months starts with 1 month.
1 month starts with 1 week.
1 week starts with 1 day.
1 day starts with 1 decision.
1 decision is right now.

Do you want to be a dominant gamebreaker or not?

Think about that when you don't feel like running today.
Think about that when you don't feel like lifting today.
Think about that when you want to eat all the Halloween candy.
Think about all the years and seasons of soccer when you wanted to give more but couldn't because you hadn't worked hard enough in the off season.

Go, Eric, Go. Go where you've never been.

For a million years I’ve wanted to blog about Ariel and Kelly’s wedding…. And the ABC…. And now I want to blog about Jenny and Alvin’s wedding…..

I will capture what’s on the tip of the tongue of my mind.

Ariel and Kelly’s Wedding
The brothers. Eric, Ariel, and Alex. Huge and hulking. The manliest men of maledom. Brothers. There was just something about the dispensation of baseball bats and the best man speech and just seeing those 3 in the same room. It must have been the aura of years of challenges and struggles and memories I was experiencing when I watched them interact. Brothers. I always wanted brothers. Isaiah. Ethan. Owen. I might as well have been standing in the future. I hope Isaiah and Owen can be there for Ethan when he’s married. There was just something about the three brothers.
The trolley ride. Who rides around town in a motor driven trolley? Ridiculous. Awesome. That was so fun. I remember the sun warming the arms of the people sitting on the outside seats.
The spilt drink.
Chris Lum & The Tragedy. Oh dang.
Pre-Wedding Adoration. Awesome.


ABC
Training. On October 22nd, 2006 I started training for the ABC. Running and lifting. Becoming acquainted with pain. Learning more about suffering. Just like I dedicated miles and miles to my friends, their children, and their relationships, I dedicated miles and miles and miles specifically to the ABC. Why? Because it’s great to have something matter. You do pick your battles. And even if some people aren’t picking the same battles you are. It’s great to care about something. It’s great to pour yourself into something. And it’s great to know that no matter the outcome, for an extended period of time, you cared deeply. You loved intensely. I choose the Classics because they are microcosms of my own personal emotional and mental make-up. I love my friends dearly. My friends are at the Classics. I love competition. Competition is at the Classics. What’s not to love?
Bling it. “Were you serious about the bling?” Gary C asked me this a few days before the Classic. I was beside myself. I think I sent out an email every day to many people leading up to the ABC. Stressing how important bling was. It was awesome. People came through. G went all out. *If you’re ever not sure if you should go all out when it comes to dressing up silly and costumes. Just go all out. It’s always just better.

We had a bling making party/ Filipino-Chinese sweatshop ring the Wednesday before. There’s just great satisfaction that comes in blinging out every day items and cloth. I can see now why the celebrities do it. It’s fun.
The food. Always, always spread out responsibility for food. That’s what I’ve learned. Everyone wins. People feel they’ve contributed to the whole, and the whole gets to eat great food. Always need fresh cold fruit. Props to Lorie and Ryan.
Pimp cup. So there we were. September 22, 2007. It was an absolutely beautiful day. Perfect weather. Sun shining. If Alvin’s basketball rim could talk, it would tell long slow tales of incredible battles. It would speak as if it were a wise old man with wrinkles and a raspy drawl. I spent time in the morning trying to get the net to hang correctly from the rim. I used rubber bands. I stopped by Meijer’s to get the plastic attachment to the rim to hang the net from. Nothing worked. In the end, the attachments didn’t fit and the rubberbands broke. After fumbling with it for a while it occurred to me that in all my times playing on this rim, I can’t recall clearly once when the net hung correctly. This wouldn’t be Alvin’s court if the net was perfect. So it wasn’t perfect, but really it was.
When Alvin pulled his teammate out from the blinged ABC beanie, he was excited. And the rest of the field was worried. He pulled Oliver Galvez. Of everyone at the tournament, there was no-one I feared most. Unlike the rest of us, Oliver had been balling twice a week with high schoolers. Serious high schoolers too. There’s really no better preparation than participation. If you don’t participate in battle, then you won’t be prepared for it. Oliver was prepared. I was scared. Scared of Darkolicious. That’s what Alvin and Oliver named their team. The other teams played out like:

Darkolicious – Alvin & Oliver
Murder Inc. – Felipe & Paolo
Jedi Masters – Chris & Ariel
DJG – J & G
B & E Day Care – Brian & Eric

Fantasy Moment
Darkolicious
Pros: Chemistry, B-ball IQ, Homecourt advantage, OG quickness & strength
Cons: Legs, maybe.

Murder Inc.
Pros: Felipe large down low, Paolo’s outside shot, Felipe’s outside shot
Cons: Handles, legs

Jedi Masters
Pros: Strength, Power, Rebounding, Ariel’s Will, Chris’ Jumper, Defense
Cons: Handles, passing
DJG
Pros: J’s Hustle, G’s Will, G’s Lowpost
Cons: Legs, Height

B & E Day Care
Pros: IQ, Eric’s Jumper, Brian’s Baby Hook
Cons: Height, legs, maybe.

The first game was Jedi Masters vs. B & E Day Care.
I honestly don’t know how we won this game. The Jedi Masters were just absolute physical specimens. They were huge and fast. The only thing I can think of is that maybe we moved a little better without the ball and maybe my jumper was falling. I have no idea. We won 11-7 and looking at it now, I’m not sure how we did that. What I do remember is that Brian was having a very difficult time with Ariel down low. Ariel is so big and so coordinated down low. Brian used a lot of his energy on that first game and I remember us having to put together a fatigue communication system. We would hold up the amount of fingers to tell the other where we were at fatigue wise. One finger was “I’m okay, I’m good to go.” Four fingers was, “I’m about to keel over and die.” This tiny non-verbal communication method was incredibly useful later in the tournament. The management of fatigue and it’s ebb and flow based on intensity and emotion was such an interesting thing to be constantly aware of throughout the duration of a game. Basically, who ever was tired wouldn’t play down low. Especially if you’re playing Ariel. Boxing out and vying for low-post position. It’s not as difficult if you’re getting the ball where you want it. But, if you’ve finally established position and you don’t get the ball because the person passing the ball to you doesn’t have the confidence that their pass won’t be stolen, that is so much more draining. I mean, you’re fighting and fighting for position and you don’t get the ball because the guard passing you the ball is scared. That is very difficult to deal with physically and mentally. Many a power forward I’ve seen before me has hung their head in frustration because I couldn’t reward their hard work with a simple inlet pass. So I wasn’t surprised that Brian was tired. But in my defense, I had Chris on me. Chris’ physical build was designed to stop me from doing anything I want to do on the court. Like inlet pass. But we survived, Brian played less down low, when I saw 3 or 4 fingers I took over and ran around more, when I saw 1 or 2 fingers, I tried to get him the ball in places he liked. The Masters were relegated to the Losers bracket and we moved forward to play DJG. I still don’t know why they called themselves that.
Darkolicious played Murder Inc. next. The fear was confirmed about Oliver. His jumper was still sick. His quickness off the dribble was explosive. And he was finishing at the rim like we all knew he could. That stuff we knew. What was a little more disconcerting was Alvin. He was wearing his blinged glove, socks, beanie, glasses, rings, shirt. And he was starting to shine. It was just a passing thought when I was watching him play that first game. “Hmm… Alvin’s playing well today… home court advantage haha….”
But Murder Inc. put up a fight and ended up losing 11-8.
Since the bracket gods deemed B & E Day Care should not have a bye in the first round, we were up again. We were playing a fresh DJG team. When playing J & G, you know you’re gonna get a few things. You’re gonna get a lot of hustle and intensity. You’re gonna get a few layups by J that you swear shouldn’t fall. You’re gonna get G trying to abuse anyone in the post on him. G’s funny that way, basically his low post game is so polished and effective, he’s likely to have success against anybody defending him. But he’s got the build for a successful point guard so he usually has smaller guards playing him. Therefore he almost always draws a mismatch in the post. It’s actually kind of like Billups or any other point guard with a sweet low post game. They’re just anomalies. J boxes and hustles like a man possessed. These strengths along with this being their first game along with their will to win made DJG formidable. Here’s the thing though. If G goes to his low post game, J can’t be down there or it’s too easy to double team G. So if J floats the perimeter, his game really isn’t stop and pop. Also, if G kicks out to J, I’m gonna be flailing and waving my arms fronting G to dissuade J from making the difficult inlet pass. If he wants, he can try and lob it, but historically that’s a very difficult pass. The key was G’s low post game. Handle that and you’re halfway home. I remember playing for a long time and the score being like 1-0. I remember trying to take advantage of Brian’s size. There’s something that never quite works out when you’re trying to force a blatant advantage. You really don’t want to force anything. Stick with your strengths rather than force a mismatch. We ended up winning 11-8. But J and G’s willpower took a lot out of us.
Jedi Masters played Murder Inc. next in the Losers bracket. Win or go home. Flip’s smoking may have caught up with him. Paolo’s bling mask and shirt that reminded me of a Chippendale’s Zorro Luchador may have affected his skillz. He played in that mask and shirt and it’s possible Ariel and Chris willed themselves to a win based on the fact that they refused to lose to a chimney and a Chippendale’s Zorro Nacho. Jedi Masters won 11-4.
Next came the inevitable. Darkolicious vs. B & E Day Care. Somewhere in my mind, I was like, “What? Did you think the thing would be handed to you? This is what you trained for. Of course it’s gonna hurt. Go get it.”
Something was wrong though. Something was just off. The energy wasn’t right. I just remember not having answers. Oliver was too fast. We underestimated how on Alvin was. He was lights out. He was hitting all his jumpers and when he went to the basket his jewel encrusted lefty finger rolls were all falling. At one point he blew by me and I thought I pushed him too deep under the basket to make a play. He flicked up his lefty, the ball hit the bottom of the rim with so much English and spin that it crawled up, hit the backboard and dropped in. It was so frustrating for him to pick today to play out of his brains. Maybe we could handle Oliver’s strength, jumping ability, shooting ability, quickness, and overall basketball IQ. But that combined with Alvin hitting every kick out and driving and finishing, we couldn’t hang. We were tired and slow. They had chemistry and poise. We had nothing. We lost to Darkolicious (11-7). The score wasn’t even really that close. I think they won with Al hitting a jumper in front of me. All that work, all that training meant nothing in an instant. We had lost.

When I lost in this double elimination tournament that I cared about, I was very mentally crushed. All these emotions went on inside of me. It’s the feeling of helplessness, like there was nothing I could do to alter the outcome. But there were still games to play. We weren’t out of it yet. But looking at the bracket, it’s not looking good. Doom and doubt were pushing me down. If the Jedi Masters beat DJG than Brian will have to face Ariel again. And even if we do get past Ariel, than Brian’s gonna be absolutely spent when we play Darkolicious after that. And we’d have to beat them twice. This is really not looking good.

(sigh)

Okay. Well. Jedi Master are playing DJG next. We gotta push on. After losing to Darkolicious I asked Brian, “What did we learn?” I learned a few things playing Oliver and Alvin. The most important was that I wasn’t tired enough. I wasn’t hurting enough at the end. Training taught me where I should be when I really exert effort. I wasn’t there. I was at this other place. This place of trying but not pouring my whole self into it. It’s a deceptive place because you’re sweating and moving and dancing the dance, but you’re not really all there. You’re only there enough to say you’re there. And the results reflected that for me. I learned that if I get the chance to play Darkolicious again. I’m going to be all there. That means that at the end, I’m going to be in a lot of pain and anguish. It’s gonna hurt a lot. But after the hurt goes away, no matter what happens, at least I’ll be proud that I pushed myself. In basketball terms, that means very high defensive intensity, rebounding, and constant movement on offense. Win or lose, I’m not leaving this court fresh and wishing I had exerted more effort. That’s the main lesson that I learned. That segued in to the next lesson I learned. If Darkolicious beats us again. It’s gonna be because Oliver scored all their points. Cuz I’m not letting Al touch the ball much less blow by me or get an open shot. Those were the lessons. Now we just need to get back to playing with them.

When Ariel and Chris muscle and rebound their way past J and G, we can only hope that Ariel’s so tired that when we play them he won’t have anything left. But….
Halfway through the game and G and J were holding their own. Brian and I were too busy talking strategy and resting to really notice what was transpiring. In the end, I can only believe that Gary’s low post game was dominant and when he kicked out, J hit some open shots. It’s even possible that he didn’t kick out and J crashed boards. DJG shocked me by eliminating the Jedi Masters from the ABC 11-7. Two things gave me a glimmer of hope that we still might have a chance. One was that Brian would not have to contend with Ariel anymore. Two was that when the game finished both teams looked absolutely spent. G and J are the most prolific sweaters you have ever seen. No matter how much their faces might be smiling and their bodies might look fresh, the size of the puddle of sweat they stand in afterwards tells a story of tiredness and fatigue. I mean the body can only sweat so much before shutting down. These two things gave me hope. Me and hope are friends. Me and hope get along. I know hope. It was good to see my friend again.

DJG had to play B&E Day Care immediately after their slugfest with Jedi Masters. It was like some twisted Diggstown re-enactment. Except basically Honey Roy Palmer just beat Tyson and had to fight the Klitschko brothers next. DJG would have to beat us and then beat Darkolicious twice to finish this tournament. We had just rested and were on a mission to get back to play Darkolicious. I felt that physically and mentally we had the upper hand.

What I haven’t really touched on so far is Brian. The B in B&E Day Care. A long time ago Brian told me, “You’re in a whole new fishbowl now.” That was after I had explained to him that in high school I was not one of the better basketball players. That is, in my fishbowl before college I perceived myself to be a certain type. But now that I’m in a new fishbowl, I could be any type. Anything could happen. I really took the “whole new fishbowl” statement to heart and all through college I felt I could reinvent myself depending on how hard I worked and where life led me. Brian won a lifetime achievement award in college. So did his wife, Tricia. When one person gets awarded a lifetime achievement award at the age of 22, that’s impressive. When two people like this get married, that’s called a kick ass couple. All of this comes into play when you’re talking about Brian and his basketball aura. Brian has a very high basketball IQ. More than that, he knows how to win. This along with above average Filipino height, above average shoulder width, an outside shot as well as a post up game, and you’re talking about a great partner to have in a 2 on 2 Filipino basketball tournament. But that doesn’t really capture Brian as a basketball player. The best statement that does was, “I’m not going home and telling Tricia that I lost this basketball tournament.”

In my head, I was like, “Brian, I don’t want you to go home and tell her that either.”

When the game with DJG started, I was basically a man possessed. They were tired and I knew it. We beat them the first game. No letting up now. Brian and I had a resolve that we needed to get back to play Darkolicious again. I turned in my best defensive effort against Gary and his wily low post game. No letting him get the ball in places he liked. No allowing him to dribble uncontested. Constantly poking the ball away from different angles. No getting comfortable. We didn’t have to force Brian’s low post game this time. It just came. The familiar post up, ball fake right, baby-hook. If you were taller than him and could jump much higher, maybe you could have a chance at stopping it. Really that mini-game is won once he has position. Because you’re not stopping the baby-hook. Defense was on all cylinders and offense was clicking. Mix in fatigue and DJG was looking more like JG because… haha.

B&E Day Care rolled to an 11-4 win. It was tiring, but we were still fresh. Ones and twos fatigue levels from me and Brian all game. We could make a run in the finals.

It was B&E Day Care and Darkolicious in the Finals. By beating us earlier the groom made it again to his own finals. Historically, the groom always makes it to the finals and loses. As far as I was concerned it was gonna happen again. I’m sure that Alvin had different ideas. I sensed that I was in the midst of something very special to me. Win or lose, I wanted to cherish the feel, the day, the moment. To be honest, I put a lot of work into the whole day to make sure the bling was there, and the kids had stuff to play with, and I tried so hard to make sure that it would be fun. I even made Kelly supply me with encouraging words that this would be a fun day that Alvin would remember. I also trained for a very long time to ward off the effects of fatigue enough to get to this moment. So to have the honor of playing the groom in potentially the last game was not something I was shy about accepting. I was wholeheartedly appreciative of this moment and I truly feel like I earned it. There are so many times in my life where I don’t feel grateful or appreciative. There are so many times where no matter how much I’ve invested I feel like I still don’t deserve the abundance of blessings. So to have worked hard and to have felt an actual sense of pride in my work was just….

Deep breath in…. slow exhale…. Perfect.

Brain tingling euphoric perfect. Perfect pictures. Perfect sunshine, perfect children playing, perfect Michigan game starting soon, perfect people watching, perfect bling, perfect food.
Perfect fiancée. Perfect wife.

Perfect.

I sensed I was in the midst of a special moment and regardless of the outcome I was hoping Al was feeling it too. I sensed he was.

When I came back to earth I focused more on what I wasn’t sensing from Alvin or Oliver. I wasn’t sensing fear or nervousness. Why would they be nervous? They were in the same situation we were in one game before. ‘The other team was coming off a game. They would be tired and we would be rested. It was a team we’ve beaten before, so we know we could do it again.’ I can’t imagine they were doubting whether or not they could finish this thing. They smelled blood in the water the same way I smelled blood when I saw how hard J and G were sweating after their game with Ariel and Chris. The last thing I remember thinking before we started the game was that if we were gonna have any chance at this, it would have to be a track meet, not a basketball game. In the end, I needed Oliver’s smoking to catch up with him and my legs to outlast Al’s. Not only would the defense just be stifling, I would make Alvin work very very hard just to get the inbounds pass. The dimensions of the court were fairly small. I found that if I pivoted correctly, I could cover a large area in front and behind me with minimal amount of energy. But it would still require Al to run quite a bit especially from side to side to get a chance at a good inbounds pass. This worked early on in that I think it sent a message. The message was, “I’m going to be incredibly annoying. I’m going to do things that all guards hate. If you’re going to win, you’re going to win despite being extremely annoyed with me.”
But this type of defense has it’s risks. Inherently, if you’re overplaying the pass, you are far more susceptible to getting beat back door. This was happening. Al would fake ball, go back door, and Oliver would pinpoint a pass for an easy lay-up. I had to concede these points in that I had to know that even though this happened occasionally, Al was still using a lot of energy to set up and complete this maneuver. The finals was to fifteen win by two, I had to just hope that Al’s and Oliver’s legs would play a role at some point. Offensively, Brian on Alvin in the post was a blatant mismatch. Baby-hook did some damage.
With all these things going on in the games within the game, there was still one glaring truth. Al was still lights out. He was still finishing at the rim and he was still hitting his jumpers with me on him. The only difference was that he was scoring at a slower rate. Whenever he touched the ball he basically scored. I had to try and not let him touch the ball. Little by little, I think our annoying defense started to work. An occasional missed shot here, an ill advised shot there, and we had something going. My jumper was falling. When my jumper falls, people work harder to get in my face, and dribble drives open up. I take defensive attention and that opens up Brian’s game. Brian wanted it so bad. He was serious and focused. He hits his outside shot and works his post game and we are very difficult to beat. He did his job and I did mine and the game started to open up. At one point I think we were up by four or five in the game to fifteen. Talking in passing afterwards, Al mentioned that they thought they should save their strength for the last game. We slowly pulled away and won 15-8.

Almost there. One more game. Come on. You can do this. Finish strong. All the way to the end. Tough D.

Finish. Finish. Finish.

Deep breath… slow exhale… Perfect. The final game. I’m not gonna play NBA. I might never play organized ball again. For me, for my life, for right now, this is my game 7.

We all wanted it so bad. It showed in our faces and our defense. It’s good that this was an outdoor game or I would been called reaching on Al or called for sticking a forearm in his back. I was harassing to the point that Al had to clarify that it was unfair to not give space to inbound to Oliver. He was right, that’s stupid grade school stuff, smothering the inbounder. But I forgot outdoor unspoken rule etiquette. I must have been really intense, I usually never forget that kind of stuff. But I did, and the tone was set all 4 of us were gonna do whatever it takes. I came to a crossroads early in that last game. Fighting for a rebound, I came down awkward on someone’s foot and my ankle turned. For a split second, I thought, “This is it. This is my out. My excuse. Everyone would know I turned my ankle and that’s why we lost, but otherwise we might have won. No one would think any less of me.”
I got so angry with myself for thinking that. I can’t believe thoughts like that even exist in me. But they do. Out of men’s hearts and minds come the worst things and the worst thoughts come from me. After a short respite that I think everyone was taking advantage of, my ankle sprain was only mild and I could still play. No matter what happens that won’t be my excuse. It was grind it out basketball. The score was very close. 1-1. 3-4. 6-5. At this point I started to notice the crowd. People say that when they’re in the middle of intense games, they shut out everything. They can’t hear the cheers or the boos. I’m hardly ever in intense game situations, but when I am, I love to listen to the crowd. Probably because I love being in the crowd and cheering. I’m an exceptional cheerer. If I know you, and you’re in the midst of battle, I can be incredibly encouraging. I can cheer and cheer and shout encouragement forever and ever. I just love it. So I listened to the crowd and I heard, “Go babe!” from Annalisa. Followed by a, “Go babe!” from Jenny. Haha. That was funny. Especially followed by a “Go babe!” from Ryan. Ryan’s the same way, he’s so good at cheering and encouraging. If he’s on your team, he’s SO on your team. I love that. I felt energized and confident. There are moments on the court when I feel especially unstoppable. Unconsciously it just happens. I’ll grab a defensive rebound and because of the situation I know my free throw line jumper is coming. I’m a step ahead because of the transition, but before I shoot this, I want to look straight in your eyes before I do. I wanna see the whites. So I hesitate that extra half second. I want to know that you know that there’s nothing you can do about what’s about to happen. Then it does. Whites. Elevate. Bottom of the net.

‘Don’t do it Eric. It never helps. If anything it just pisses off the other team if they see you do it. Don’t do it. It’s not worth it. Just keep playing. Stay focused. Don’t!’

But I did it. I smirked. I smirked outwardly and inwardly. Every once in a while it just gets the best of me. It’s so damaging to my game. Some people can handle it. Some people can’t compete without it. “It” is everything I don’t want to stand for. “It” is Lack of Humility. In that moment, that smirk meant I lost humility, and I can’t tell you how many games I’ve lost based on that fact alone.

I can handle it if you beat me because you’re better. I can’t handle it if I lose because I lost control of myself.

Internally the game shifted and was slipping away from me. Externally, that jumper made it 6-5 I think.

And on it went. Alvin was still burying shots. Oliver was still getting a step and elevating. I was trying to take advantage of my legs. Brian was trying to create mismatches and post.

I remember another milestone at 9-7. We had just gone up 2 on a shot Brian hit I think. At that point, neither team had had a two point lead. I thought, this is it. Just like last game, we’re gonna pull away. I let up mentally and blinked. In that blink, Al hit a jumper, we miss a shot, lose the rebound, and Oliver ties it. 9-9 in a blink.

Now it’s first to six win by 2. It was a dog fight. In my mind, Al had taken over this game. He was unstoppable. Every floating jumper, every long range shot, every drive to the basket was falling. We were scratching and clawing. I love to go up for a jumper, sneak and grab my own rebound for a bunny. Al was taking this away from me by boxing me out wherever I was. I hate that. This was the end of the third game in a row and Brian’s showing 3’s and 4’s fatigue levels.

12-12. Gotta dig deep. Everyone’s bearing down. The crowd is much more interested. I think Al took off his bling beanie, glasses, ring, and glove by now. Not sure. But we’re all in pain and working hard.

By now, offensively and defensively, the four of us are almost in a tired choreographed dance. Brian holds the ball up top, Al let’s me get the ball on left side, I dribble to the right and use Brian almost as a double pick on Al and Oliver. If I get an opening I elevate, if Oliver overplays I drive. If we score or not, Alvin then inbounds to Oliver, Oliver drives and draws both of us. Alvin hits a jumper from somewhere. I say somewhere cuz it could’ve been anywhere. The corners, the baseline, the street, the neighbors yard. It didn’t matter. I knew that I was gonna be there a half second late and he knew he was gonna drill a clutch jumper.

14-14. The pain was so apparent now. Everyone was gased. Everyone hurting. Same dance, inbounds pass from Brian on left side, pick Al, jumper. 15-14 us. Please just play good D and we’ll finish this next possession. Al hits a jumper. 15-15. Inbound from Brian on left, pick Al, awkward elevation because of something Oliver does, clang, and they get the rebound. Crap. Their part of the dance holds true and Al hits again.
16-15 then. It’s slipping away. We’ve got to tie this up. Our offensive dance holds up.
Left side, pick, drive. 16-16.

Come on. Pick it up. One stop. One stop.

Awkward play for them, long shot, long rebound. Brian up top. Inbounds from Brian on left, pick Al, jumper. 17-16 us.

Here we go. One stop. One stop. Finish this.

We did stop them on that possession. I don’t remember how. But I do know that defensive intensity was high.

Brian up top. Only Alvin and I really know what happened next. Words here won’t capture that moment.

I rounded on the left side and Alvin’s defense was strong, I had to keep him further away with the left side of my body and call for the ball with my right hand just as I had done the previous six possessions. But this time when the ball hit my right hand, instead of dribbling strong at Brian to pick off Al, I did a small fake towards Brian, pivoted on my left foot, drop stepped with my right towards the sideline.

One dribble and I didn’t feel Al next to me.

Two dribbles, elevate, and I think Oliver is going to foul me hard.

The foul never came.
Little kiss off glass.

18-16.

All the pain left my pores. The blur of adrenaline. All the sweat. All the training. All the eating right. All the fighting. Finished. One of the funnest basketball experiences of my life was finished.

Man I love basketball.

I’m sure Brian and I were glowing and even though Alvin and Oliver must have been bummed at the outcome, I know they appreciated the fun of competing in that way.

In the end, I desperately wanted Alvin to have a fun day that was his and that he could remember forever and be proud of. I honestly think he will remember that day and remember the game, the people, the bling, the children, the food. I was so happy knowing he was happy.

But I was tired. When my muscles cooled, they couldn’t warm up again.
I was just sore. I honestly gave it all I had to give.

That was okay.

“B&E Day Care. $40 a day. Taking Care of YOU!”

Too funny.

The Cup Is Ours.
In the end I think we had 18 people for Football. It really was an awesome sight to see so many people line up to play football at the ABC.

We recognized Connie and Chrissy for being the first girls to participate in a Classic. Wouldn’t it be funny if a girl won a Pimp Cup? Yes it would be.

There were four teams.
The only one you really want to know about is: The Cup Is Ours.
I don’t know the order, but I think this uber team was created in the order of Paolo, Babbs, Ariel, Oliver, and…. Chrissy. Talking to Chrissy afterwards, she said she really wanted to be on that team.

So basically we got:
Chrissy – The best pass rusher on the field other than Chris or J. She’s also got great receiving hands and overall athleticism.
Oliver – The fastest runner on the field. I think he was some kind of running hero in high school.
Ariel – The biggest, strongest body on the field. Very high football intensity, focus, and IQ.
Babbs – Um yeah. Babbs walked on to the Michigan football team. He practiced backpedaling on his driveway for a whole summer to be a shutdown corner. He’s pretty much dominant at football.
Paolo – Very high football IQ. On this team he was the perfect role player. Reception here, swat away there. Think Ron Harper. Whatever it takes to win.

I remember a few things.
The first 2 touchdowns were from Ariel to Oliver. Might as well have been Peyton to Harrison. It was awesome to see.
Oliver putting the shake and bake on Gary and Brian. So great to watch. I think Gary did the splits trying to stop him.
Joel playing out of his brains. I think it was his first time playing football. Oh man that was awesome.
Flip had good fantasy yards.
J’s unstoppable on his curls.
I think Chrissy sacked Flip like 8 times. But the end box score only showed like 3.
Babbs broke the porch and everyone thought it was his bone. That was craziness.
Flood lights.

The Cup Is Ours was completely dominant, no one really stood a chance. Joel stood up to them, but in the end they were just overwhelmingly good. Chrissy was forcing quarterbacks into bad decisions, Ariel and Oliver were offensive juggernauts, Babbs and Paolo filled all the holes. That along with a good substitution scheme to keep everyone fresh and The Cup Is Ours ruled.

At the end of the day, Al passed out the remaining Pimp Cups to Annalisa, Eric Galvez, and Jenny.

I never passed up an opportunity to drink out of my cup that day. Especially in front of Alvin. I wouldn’t be a friend if I didn’t. It was great.

I keep my cup by my desk at work. I truly cherish the memories more, but sometimes it’s nice to see the cup. Babbs asked me what it tasted like to drink out of my cup…. I said, “Glory.” Haha.

Alvin and Jenny's Wedding
Alvin and Jenny’s wedding was the most beautiful most expensive wedding I’ve ever seen. St. John’s is such an awesome venue.
Isaiah was a rock as a coin bearer. Lucia is just a very very special little girl. The Matthews, Guevaras, and Gary’s parents stayed at our house that weekend. That means there were 8 adults and six children in our home. It was just so wonderful. We took great pictures in the park and generally had a wonderful time.

I think I might have cried when Alvin and Jenny got married. Man it was a long road for them. I honestly believe that Christ is hard at work in their marriage and the fruits of that work are going to be wonderful.

Sang with G and Flip. We sang Love. I think that always was Alvin’s favorite. I love singing with those guys. It’s a very special feeling. The food was lobster and prime rib with this potato wedgey thingy that was fantastic. I never finish food at weddings, but I licked that plate clean.


There were these huge rose things hanging from the ceiling. Embedded in the rose things were candles. If you read this whole blog, put boogie boo in my comments.
I imagined the candles setting the roses on fire and the fire crawling up to the ceiling and setting the building on fire.

Galvez’s and Tricia’s speeches were wonderful. Galvez said he knew Alvin since he was Isaiah’s age. I cried again.

I smoked my first cigar that night at the club after the reception. The next Wednesday I was sick.

I couldn’t stay at home or the boys would find me so I went to the library. There I learned about the whole Sterling Heights Library system. More importantly, I learned about their digitial system and perused their audio book section.

People, it’s all about the audio book.

And have you forgotten the exhortation which addresses you as sons? -- "My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor lose courage when you are punished by him.

For the Lord disciplines him whom he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives."

It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline?

For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant; later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees,

and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed.

Hebrews 12:5-7, 11-13

I've been undisciplined lately with respect to my eating and exercising. I keep cutting corners and making excuses.

With God's help I'm not going to anymore.

Ariel and Kelly are getting married next week.

Therefore, The Ariel Ponce Fishing Classic was held yesterday in Ludington, MI.

Ryan slept over the night before and we drove together to Ariel's parent's house.

We took 3 cars to Ludington, MI.

I rode with Ryan and J.

Ariel, his brother Eric, his co-worker Bob, his cousin's husband Steve, and his friend who introduced him to Kelly, Mike rode in the Acadia.

Ariel's dad and his two friends, Tito Dan and Tito Don rode in the CRV.

The Acadia watched 300 on the way up.
We definitely may have listened to Wilson Philips, Hold On.

We got to Ludington around 3:30pm.

Me, Ariel, Ryan, J, Bob, and Mike boarded The Hunter.

The other 5 boarded The Freestyle.

Pain, triumph, heartache, and eventually glory ensued.

The reading in today's Mass contained the beautiful phrase, the first shall be last and the last shall be first.

The weather leading up to the day was terrible. Raining, thunderstorms, overcast, gloomy.
When we boarded the boat, the sky had already opened, the weather was absolutely perfect. Slight breeze. Beautiful sunshine. Fearful fish.

We boarded around 3:30pm. We returned around 9:30pm. In between, 6 hours of life. Wonderful, bittersweet, glorious life.

And 2 hard lemonades for me.

We were "trolling" from 3:30pm to 6:30pm with no less than 12 lines in the water.
God tested our resolve and patience, we may or may not have failed.

But, He rewarded us with our first bite around 6:40pm.
No wonder the disciples were saints, their mettle and patience was crafted in the fire of fishing.

The bite was only shortly after saint Bob blessed the water with some tasty chum of his own made up no doubt of Dramamine, beer, chips, Mongolian, and jerky.

Ariel battled and worked and rested and battled some more.
But, a "double" occurred. In the midst of Ariel's struggle, another line hit.

Ryan and J sprung into action, they both wanted the honors.
Quickly and spontaneously they settled the matter.

The first round of rock, scissors, paper went blindingly fast and resulted in a tie.

Thinking J would go rock in the second round, Ryan chose paper, and J's jedi mind trick worked when he revealed scissors.

So J stepped up and started reeling the second hit.
Words can't describe the battles, only the videos can.

Ariel reeled his in. A beautiful salmon. Huge by my previous standards.
Enormous even until J reeled his in.

I think someone pointed at J's and said that that was the daddy fish and Ariel's was his kid.

I mean this salmon was bagungous.

Shortly after, another line hit and Ryan and myself were all over it.

But precedent was set and the battle before the battle begun.

Don't think when you go up against Ryan. Just move.

With no thought I went scissors and luckily he went paper.

With love in his heart, Ryan gracefully stepped aside to let me work.

You can watch the video on youtube.

What the video won't show is that the mounts for the reel were digging into my wrist.
I couldn't hold the pole correctly.

Finally, I went to this pole between my legs mount the fish while you reel maneuver. I'm sure you'll see the derivations of this new technique on the next Bassmaster tourney.

After what I'm sure was many hours I reeled in an amazingly huge.... trout.

Everyone caught salmon but me. While the trout was large, it was not in the running for the coveted dollar ring that Annalisa had forged in Mordor the night before. J was still atop the standings with his pterasalmadon that had obviously given life to all salmon.

We were excited, but now I'm sure Ariel was anxious that we'd be out all day and the other 3 guys would not reel in any fish.....

So when the next fish hit and Ryan and Bob engaged in pre-battle, we were all excited again.

Ryan emerged victorious this round and he stepped into the proverbial fishing ring.
However, another double occurred and instead of going for the rod, Mike went for the video camera, giving the hit to Bob without question.

So Ryan and Bob were in it. Reeling fighting running leaning. Battling.

Ryan's fish came to the surface and you could see it splashing 20 feet from the boat.
Then disaster struck.

Ryan just started reeling easily. His mouth agape. The sun lowered slightly.

"It's gone."

Ryan's battle was no more. So close and yet so far. The pain was palpable throughout the group. One of our own had fallen.

But we had to stay positive for Bob. He was still in it.
But those crafty fish had shared the secret and now Bob was reeling easy.

We were broken men.

Yes, three had experienced the pinnacle, 2 had fought and lived to tell a tale, but 1 had not even tasted the sweet juice of poisson war.

Our official time was from 3pm to 8pm. When 8pm came around with no more hits, we were all very sullen and stoic. The sun was a few inches from the horizon. I couldn't stop thinking about Mike and how he didn't even get a chance to reel. After such a long day and paying to come out and fish and not even to get to touch the pole, Mike was frustrated and upset and bitter.

Not.

He was kind and gracious and caring. He kept commenting on the beauty of the shore and the horizon. We were anxious and he was just happy to experience the day. We took a couple group pictures because we only had a little sun left.

As the sun disappeared over the horizon, the captain had already begun reeling in the lines. I had been praying fervently that we get one last bite. But when the sun was almost gone, Ryan and I reminisced about that one awesome scene in Pirates At World's End..... So we imagined the green light at sunset and the pssssshhhhhhhh sound when the magic happens.

Shortly after we stopped play psssssshhhhhhiiiiiinnnnnnngggggg.... magic happened.

We hit!

We rejoiced as Mike took the line. Hooting and hollering we encouraged him on.

He was reeling and we were screaming and.... we hit again!!!

Ryan had another shot at redemption! He rounded on the pole with resolve.

Oh man... if only we could hit one more and maybe Bob would........ and we did!

In the twinkle of an eye were in the midst of a triple!

Jumping and moving and screaming and hooting J, Ariel, and I were hoping for more hits and screaming for the people in it.

Ryan would not be denied this time, he learned from his last experience and masterfully brought pterasalmadon's big brother to the boat. We were rejoicing like we just won Salmonpalooza. With one flick of the pole Ryan was in serious contention for the ring.

Until Bob.

Bob also would not be denied.

The fish tried some tricky maneuvers and Mike and Bob had to switch places a few times because of where the fish were taking them.... Left then right.... over and under each other's lines they moved expertly. It was a deadly tango.

But Bob was cash. He brought in pterasalmadon's big brother's dad. Elation ensued and it was clear that Bob's finger was ready for the dollar ring.

Mike was just focused. While the other guys were reeling, Mike's fish was running. I was wondering why he wasn't reeling and it was clear that he couldn't. The fish was running too hard. You just had to let it run.

So it took a while for Mike to reel his in. His hit before Ryan and Bob, and theirs were already in the cooler.

This was God's final test of Mike's fortitude. Mike's grace and patience was deeper than Lake Michigan. He never complained once about not getting a chance to reel. His heart was filled with love and I truly believe he was rewarded for it.

When God said, "Let there be light." What he really did was move this salmon a little to the left because his tail was blocking the sun.

When the Holy Spirit was hovering over the water in Genesis they never explained why.
It's because this salmon would have eaten Him.

At around 9pm the Gospel of Ariel's Classic had unfolded.

Ariel caught the first fish, it was the smallest. He was last.
Mike caught the last fish, it was the largest. He was first.

Just like today's reading in church said.

But if Ariel came in last, his smile didn't say so.

There's some things in this life that no one can take away.

Glory Pics
Glory Vids

I lost something that I should not have lost.
When someone puts something in your care, you should care for it and make sure nothing happens to it.
I lost something that wasn't mine to lose and the pain is so deep and so real.
I'm so ashamed of who I am right now.
I'm the person who is too immature and irresponsible to be trusted with anything important.
I feel as if I have no insides.
Like my stomach isn't there.
It's so difficult to discover who you really are.
That the absent mindedness and forgetfulness aren't something to joke about anymore. That it's real and it's wrong and unacceptable.
It's who I am right now and I never want to feel this way again.
It hurts too much.

I’ve basically been listening to the Dave’s Son album exclusively for about 5 days.
My insides are so in tune with this album for many reasons.

The passion driving the album comes from the main creator/writer/composer/singer of all the songs. His name is Gene Kim. My connection to Gene is through Hong and Jon and Babbs from FunKtion at college. I was introduced to Gene with little fanfare in a well lit bar in San Diego.

Babbs or Hong whispered something like, “Gene is great. You’ll love him.”

I wonder if people say this about me before people introduce their friends to me.

“Gene this is Eric. Eric this is Gene.”

My first take on Gene was that he was warm, extremely personable with a contagious smile and laugh.

I would have said then that we were fairly equal kindred spirits.

When kindred spirits meet, I find that there aren’t many sparks that fly, there’s merely an acknowledgement of each other’s existence and an understanding.

That connection is rare, but I think it happens to me more often than others.
I relish drawing parallels between the parts of people and my own characteristics. It makes me feel good when I think we can relate.

I thought I could relate with Gene, and on many levels I’m sure we do.

But when it comes to this album, and his focus, and intensity, and passion for creating and the creation process, I can’t begin to understand him. I can’t relate. He’s on this totally other level.

Yes we are kindred spirits, but right now my spirit is in awe of his.

The cello ties it’s strings around the inside of my chest and lifts me. It takes me where ever it wants to go. I rise and fall with the melodic long bow strokes.

The ride cymbal resonates and tells you this is going to be a very organic experience.

The drums, keys, and vocals are just so incredibly well produced and balanced that it’s no problem getting lost in the song.
Often, with amateur recordings I can’t get past the sound mix or the balance or just the quality of the recording. That’s one reason why I think with this album Gene has declared to me that he is a professional.

He’s broken through the barrier of the recording process and the album stands on it’s own on the other side. You can just listen. No walls. Just listen.

So I listen and my mouth smiles when each cryptic lyric is replayed in my mind moments after I listen to it. It’s like you know your keys are in your bag, you search for them but you can’t find them, but it’s okay to move forward because you know you’ve got them. You know there’s truth in the lyrics, it’s there even if you don’t understand it, but your heart can move forward knowing truth’s near. Maybe one day you’ll even find it.

“So you wanna be an Airport Ranger”

Gene, what the heck are you talking about? You know what, I don’t care, it’s awesome.

I love the fact that he’s farther along than the normal person, but not intense mainstream.

Like the Chili Peppers before they were huge.
Like John Legend before people knew him.

That’s where Gene is right now.
Just like the honeymoon period of a relationship.
Or the 1st quarter of a potentially historic game.
Or good tickets to a Janet concert.

You wanna be there when magic happens.
That’s where you are when you listen to this album.
You’re where the magic is happening.

www.davesson.com

Fartlek, which means "speed play" in Swedish, is a form of conditioning which puts stress mainly on the aerobic energy system due to the continuous nature of this exercise. The difference between this type of training and continuous training is that the intensity or speed of the exercise varies, meaning that aerobic and anaerobic systems can be put under stress. Most Fartlek sessions last a minimum of 45 minutes and can vary from aerobic walking to anaerobic sprinting. Fartlek training is generally associated with running, but can include almost any kind of exercise including cycling, rowing or swimming.

Fart Lick is more like it.

I run the first mile at 144 to 167bpm.

Then for the next 2 miles I sprint until I get above 167 bpm. Then walk until I'm below 144 bpm. Sprint then walk. Sprint then walk.

Just as fun as licking a fart.

But I'm at 157 lbs now and I really want to get to the 153 the chart says I should be at to be in my healthy BMI. So bring on the fart licking.

Speaking of... Isaiah is VERY close to being totally potty trained. It's been about a week or so and the only accidents he's had is once every 3 or 4 days he'll wake up from sleep with a wet diaper. He's really doing great and it does get annoying when he feels like he has to pee every 20 minutes, but it does make it easier to watch the 2 boys alone. In fact, Annalisa was gone most of Saturday and Sunday because of a card selling event in Royal Oak and Kelly's shower and I had to watch the boys and it was easier on me than it has been in the past. Usually I'd be insane when watching the boys alone for so long. But it wasn't as difficult and I think it's partially due to the potty training.

Ethan is very sweet right now and just loves to be where you are. He LOVES to chase Isaiah and Isaiah loves to run and hide and peek out to see if Ethan is still chasing him. Man, there's just something about those moments in life that fulfill and satiate and they just make all the difficult times a little more bearable. It's like the movie of your life that you're watching through your eyes glosses over and gets slower and shinier and you realize it's the part of the movie that you love. You could watch it a million times and never get sick of it.

Like in The Rock when General Hummel steals the rockets with VX Poison Gas.

Or in Armageddon when Harry Stamper pushes Ben Affleck into the chamber and says, "You're to take care of my little girl. That's your job now." and Ben Affleck says, "Harry! I love you Harry!"

or in the Parent Trap when the maid finds out that Haley is Annie and when Haley hugs her mom for the first time.

or in Gladiator when Maximus throws the sword and screams, "Are you not entertained?"

or in Rad when the kid does the backflip over the dirt pile in the final race and the announcer says, "Hulk Hogan eat your heart out."

or that whole Friends episode with Brad Pitt

haha

Soo.... shutdown....

Every first week of July, GM shuts down...

It's so fun in the week leading up to the shutdown because everyone is smiley and happy and asking each other, "What are you doing over shutdown?"

"I'm going to North Carolina..."
"I'm going to up north..."
"I'm going to do some work around the house..."

My response was... "I'm potty training."

That is, I'm using a week of vacation to teach an emotionally unstable, irrational, illogical person to defacate and urinate in the designated place.

(sigh)

As shutdown approached I became more and more curious about this decision.

I had started to rebuild the upstairs closet and finished it in the Saturday of shutdown.
I think I installed the mirrored doors on the downstairs closet that day too with Ryan's help. (~$100)
The next day I made and installed a custom baby gate out of 3/4" blonde plywood. ($35 for a 4' x 8' sheet)

I had no energy to begin potty training 'til Monday.
Ahhh, monday went well.
He woke up at 9am. I took him to the bathroom and he went pee.
Every half hour I brought Isaiah to the bathroom and he would either go or declare, "There's no pee pee coming!"
Alright. Good system. Good communication.
I would give him a piece of candy every time he peed in the toilet.
That Monday night, I told Annalisa that all went well. She said that she bought new underwear for Isaiah. Spiderman, Cars, etc.
We decided that he was ready for underwear. Put it on him that night.

Tuesday, 9am Isaiah wakes up dry and I take him to go pee.
Ain't no thang. We're there. It's all good.
Distribute the candy.
Breakfast time.

9:30... "There's no pee pee coming."

10am... "There's no pee pee coming."

10:10am.So I'm messing around on the couch reading Shadow of the Hegemon, feeding the kids and chilling.
Isaiah walks past and stops by the arm of the couch.
He pauses for too long and he catches my eye.

"Isaiah?"
"I HAVE TO POTTY!"

He's standing in a puddle.

?!?!!?!?!!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?

AAIAIAIAAAAAIIAIAI!!!WHOWWHWOHWAAAOWWHOAAA!!!

"ISAIAH!! You have to tell daddy that you have to pee BEFORE you pee!!!"

okay.

no problem.

Accidents happen.

Now.

"Where do you pee?"
"The potty seat."

"Where do you poop?"
"In the potty seat."

Okay. New underwear.
We're alright. We can do this.... let's get back on the horse.

10:30am... "There's no pee pee coming."

10:42am... Isaiah's watching Lazytown eating rice and some meat...

"Isaiah, you want juice?"
"I pooped."

WAAAAAAAAHEHEHAHAAHAAAAHAAOOOOAOAOAAAOOO!!!!?!?!?!!!!

ISAIAH!!!!!!!
You need not know what transpired over the next few minutes.
Suffice to say that I am a man that can handle anything.

But my frustration at that point did get the best of me.
I figured, if he does something that I want him to do and gets rewarded for it, he should be punished for doing something I don't want him to do.

So after everything was sanitary again, I proceeded to put Isaiah in time out.
He was crying like he always cries in time out and I felt bad because I knew he didn't really understand and he didn't do anything on purpose.

Alright... these things are bound to happen.

All part of the course of life. It's true that my life sucks right now. But hey, we'll get through this.

ISAIAH!

"WHERE DO YOU PEE?!"
"in the potty seat."

"WHERE TO YOU POOP?!"
"in the potty seat."

OKAY!
"IF YOU EVER HAVE TO PEE OR POOP, YOU TELL DADDY BEFORE, BEFORE, BEFORE YOU DO! THEN DADDY TAKES YOU TO THE BATHROOM TO GO IN THE POTTY SEAT, OKAY!"

"okay."

OKAY! Okay! okayokayokayokayokay.
New underwear. Let's try Lightning McQueen.
We can do this.

11am... "There's no pee pee coming out."

11:07am... I'm sitting at the piano. Currently our laptop is sitting on top of the piano. So to get online and stuff, you sit on the piano bench and work on the laptop on top. Isaiah climbs onto the piano bench.

"Can I get on your back?"
"Yeah buddy, one sec."
"okay."

He proceeds to put his arms around my neck.
The next thing I feel is a warm spot in the middle of my back.
And a trickle.

Capital letters, exclamation points, and question marks don't give adequate justice to my emotions at that point in time.

My frustration and fury were blinding.

(sigh)

I put him in timeout again after that one. He cried and I felt bad again because it's not something he knew how to really control. So I'm thinking I was wrong to put him in time out. But he did learn the severity of my intentions and somehow I think I got through to him. So I think I was wrong, but my point got across. So I was not very very wrong... just wrong maybe.

One more accident before noon and I was a broken man.

No dignity. No pride. Nothing left to give.

Annalisa was quick to pick up on my frustration when she got home and picked up my slack. I don't know how single parents do it.

We spent the next day, 4th of July, in Lansing with Gary and Mads and Luci and Elijah.
For about a day and a half we didn't leave their house. Just chit chatting and dreaming and enjoying each other's company.

There's really nothing like spending time with friends who know where you're coming from.

Went to the Casino Thursday night with Ryan, J, Alvin, and Ariel. Paolo met up.

Me, Alvin, Ariel, and J threw in a hundred bucks each... Made a deal to split losses and profits after 2 hours.

Al and Ariel busted. I was up 200, J was up 72.
We each got 15 bucks.... Rest to Ryan for driving... sweeeeet.

On Al's last hand of his own money, he split and doubled down 3 times. Ended up being up huge.
That's why you go to the Casino.
Awesome.

Saw Transformers the next day.
If you're gonna suspend disbelief, then suspend disbelief and have a good time. Don't let conservation of mass stop you.
But believe this. GM is freakin' pimp.

I worked a long time on that Camaro.
To have my childhood world and my adult work collide on screen in one of the most freaking awesomest movies of the year was immensely satisfying. Nerdvana fo' sho.

Bumblebeeee tuna.

Annalisa was so cool about me going to the Casino and watching Transformers with the guys.

Got free tickets from Paolo to go to the Tigers game on Sunday. Last game before the All Star Break against the Red Sox.

My mom was kind enough to babysit. 96 degree weather. We won 6-5. Great homeruns. Great Granderson catch. Went to the new Detroit Riverwalk. What's nice about just holding your wife's hand in a new place is it feels more like a date again and not this huge lifelong thing. The lifelong thing is great too sometimes, but sometimes it's nice to date.

Isaiah is doing very well. He is so awesome.
1 piece of big red candy for trying.
2 pieces of big red candy for peeing in the potty seat.
5 pieces of big red candy for pooping in the potty seat.

One big smile for daddy.

I'm teaching Janeil how to blog.
She is really cool and awesome.
She is my co-worker and she built her own house and just got her degree.
She rules.

FastStone Capture

Pretty sweet utility... you should check it out...
especially if you need screenshots for work...

hook me up with some ideas of how to potty train Isaiah...
I've heard jelly bean rewards and "calling elmo" rewards where he gets to call "elmo" ie. your spouse acting like elmo afterwards...

Here comes fouth of july shutdown!

"So scared of getting older, I’m only good at being young.
So I play the numbers game to find a way to say that life has just begun."
- John Mayer, Stop This Train

"I’m in repair, I’m not together, but I’m getting there."
- John Mayer, In Repair

I’m trying to be a precision runner. That is, I bought a heart rate monitor that goes with my watch. I put it on and I know exactly how many beats per minute my heart is working at. The idea is that there is a direct correlation between your heart rate and the various things you are trying to accomplish physically and athletically.

You need to know your resting heart rate and your max heart rate. There’s a graph online.

If you’re trying to burn fat, you should exercise at 60-70% of your max heart rate.
If you’re trying to increase endurance, 70-80%.
If you’re trying to achieve your athletic peak, 80-100%.

From what I hear, it’s best to mix it up a little.

Played soccer with some absolute freaks on Wednesday. One guy is an All State Honorable Mention, one guy starts for Hope College, a bunch of them started for Stoney Creek High School. I was the second oldest at 30… everyone else was around 18-24. I got my ass kicked and it was awesome. I had a few good touches, but for the most part I was exhausted. Love soccer.

Annalisa was so cool about me playing. It was really the perfect day outside. Isaiah ran onto the field once. “Daddy!”
Closing your eyes, and inhaling the grass and the late day, and the sunshine and the shadow. It is absolutely exhilarating in my lungs. Intoxicating. You can almost inhale youth from the perspective of wisdom’s experience. Exhale.
Awesome.

I’ve been reflecting lately on the call to serve.
Feed the hungry.
Clothe the nekked. “Why is you nekked?”
House the homeless.
Visit the prisoners.

?

Visit the prisoners? What the crap? Why?
I dunno, cuz Jesus told me to.

I don’t completely understand all the depths behind everything Jesus was talking about. Sometimes, I think it’s best to just do it and maybe in the doing you’ll understand. Otherwise, you’ll get caught up in the fact that you don’t understand why you should do it. When really, sometimes it’s less important that you understand, and more important that you just do it.

So, visit the prisoners.

Talked to G and he said it doesn’t have to be just people in jail. People are imprisoned by lots of things.

We’ll see how this goes.

“I’ve got to break free from these walls and leave behind, this life that’s killing me.”
Gary & Eric, Through You

“Every time I think of me, I’ll think of something more, every time I close my eyes, I’ll dream of what’s in store, for the rest of my life to spend with you, as one.”
Gary & Eric, Steve & Ann

Have I told you how proud of Annalisa I am?

Imagine you’re married with 2 kids and having to tell your spouse that you want to quit your job for one that pays less.

In a world ruled by money, inspiration often lives in defiance of it.

When I met Annalisa she was this beautiful girl who played the piano and got good grades and was extremely ambitious.

She was an environmental consultant at her old job, she was good at it because she’s good at everything, but she hated going to work in the morning and craved more purpose.
Extremely uninspired and therefore uninspiring.

She now works for the American Cancer Society and stares the villain in the face. If cancer is the bad guy, she is one of the heroes. Without many heroes left in my life, it’s great waking up next to one.

I am just so proud of her.

Ethan is playing peek-a-boo. He half covers his eyes with his tiny hands and gets a little frustrated if you don’t yell, “Peek-a-boo!” EVERY time he does it. Haha.

Isaiah is scared of dogs. He loves to be physical and run around.

They always make me smile and I hope they always will. Doubtful, but we’re all allowed to hope.

I’ve been eating right and running and lifting. Not a lot, but I’m down to 158 pounds. 5 more to go, I hope I can do it. I really want to and I’m trying to stay disciplined. I really want to be healthy when the boys want to play and when I can play soccer.

I have this theory that you can’t really experience all the real joys of soccer unless you’re at this certain physical capacity. The likes of which I’ve never really possessed. So I hope to one day.

Built a shed.

Ugly Eric
Five people made it into 58 Greene my sophomore year.
From left to right it was Becki Newton, Eric Agustin, Paula Saha, Eric Galvez, and Chau Phan.
I believe Chau recieved her doctorate in Podiatry from NYU, Galvez recieved his doctorate in Physical Therapy and moved to San Diego, Paula is a famous writer in New Jersey, I am an insecure scrub that wears sweats 94% of my life, and I didn't know what happened to Becki until a couple days ago when Felipe called me and said, "Remember Becki? She's on Ugly Betty?"

Felipe. What the hell are you babbling about?

After a little cyber-stalking I'm pretty much positive that our little Becki who disappeared after her freshman year of singing with us, is Amanda the receptionist on Ugly Betty!

!!!?!?!?!?!

She was really talented then and it's so cool to see she's kicking butt now.

Kazuhiko Akiyama
Makoto Nagano
Eric Agustin

Google it.
Awesome.
Yes it is so awesome.

Health Update

Last October I started running with these guys from work. Darren and Brian. They're Englishman and they have awesome accents and vocabularies. Listening to them talk is so fun. I don't say much but I love to hang with them. Anyways, they said, "Eric, you should run with us. We lost a guy and we think you'd be perfect."

So I ran with Darren and Brian from October to January of this year. We would run about 3 miles, MWF, at lunch time. It took a while to catch up to their pace. We run at a tiny indoor track set in a basement that's a little less than a tenth of a mile long. It's monotonous because it's so small, but running with the guys it's not as bad. I don't know why, but it just isn't. Anyways, I never ran less than 10 minute miles and these guys are striving to break 7 minute miles. So the first time out I think I hung with them for about 6 laps. It was terrible and painful and just sucked. But I slowly over many many painful weeks and months caught up to about to what they do for 3 miles. I think my fastest 3 mile has been around the 22:30 time frame. Fastest 4 mile was around 32:17.

Oh yeah, so I ran from October to January with these guys and I was like, "Darren, how come I'm running all these miles and I'm not losing any weight?"
"Oh Eric, you won't lose weight. When you get to our age, it doesn't matter what you do."
Really?
So I tried the one thing that I absolutely hate.
Eating right.
blech.

So on January 17th, I started eating better.
If all goes well my eating looks like this.

6am: 1 packet of Quaker Oatmeal with a scoop of Mega Whey protein.
10am: banana
Run
Noon: Yogurt and granola bar.
4pm: Apple or pretzels.
7pm: Decently healthy dinner.

That was during weekdays. On the weekends I eat whatever I want whenever I want literally.
It's close to binging but not quite.

So that along with running is how I got from 177 pounds on Jan. 17 to around 162 pounds today.

More to come.

Matthew 10:16

I got a little emotional just now reading this passage because of how difficult it is to obey it.

"I thirst."
Duality.
Addiction.

It's so epic that Christ claims to be 100% God and 100% man. You'd think that would add up to 200% which doesn't make any sense.

"That doesn't make any sense."

That's the statement people have problems with. Well, obviously, if it doesn't make any sense, then it's not true.

Well, no.

There are things that don't make any sense to you now, but they are still true.

I guess we could get deep into it, but just know for now that I really believe that He was 100% man and 100% God. It doesn't make sense to a simple human mind like mine, but that doesn't mean it's not true. It's a mystery and a miracle. I believe in and love mysteries and miracles.

Here's the tie in to my life.

I want Isaiah to thirst. I want him to want more. I want him to battle and fail and battle some more and battle 'til he thinks he's got nothing left and then I want him to dig even deeper and discover more and eventually overcome everything in his path. I want him to devour obstacles and setbacks and difficulties and chew them up and spit them out and yearn for more. I want him to have that intellectual, and physical, and spiritual, and emotional thirst for more.

But at the same time, I want him to be completely comfortable with himself and who he is. I want him to stand up to untruth, peer pressure, insecurity, and guilt. I want him to be able to look in the mirror and be okay with what he sees. I want him to be internally content.

I want him to be simultaneously content and thirsty.
Just as Jesus was simultaneously human and divine.

Is it possible to be both? Content and thirsty, human and divine?
I'm trying to live my life like it is.
I believe in miracles.

--

We are trying to wean (not ween) Isaiah off his binky.
We had him "trade" his binky in to the lady at the Disney store for a Leo Little Einstein's doll.
It went well at the store. He was happy.
But when it was time to go to bed, I learned the consequences of my decision to give Isaiah a pacifier the night we brought him home and he wouldn't stop crying.

This might sound melodramatic, but last night was the equivalent of what I've seen on TV and in movies as a heroine junkie begging for a hit.

He was very upset and crying and screaming for his binky.
I held him and tried to sing and tried to explain to him, but he was inconsoleable. He cried himself to sleep in my arms. Somewhere in the middle of his pain I understood the enormity of parenthood. I made a choice 2.5 years ago that gave my 5 day old son comfort then. That choice led to a display synonymous with drug addiction 2.5 years later. What choices am I making today that give my sons, my family, my friends comfort now, but will have significant consequences later? When did my decisions begin to carry so much gravity? Am I qualified to make these decisions? Probably not.

Thank you Lord for the perfect wife for me.

Anyone want to speculate where I would be without Annalisa?

I don't know where you were on 1/1/2007.
I was cove discovering at Discovery Cove in Orlando.
Discovery Cove is affiliated with Sea World.

It's $159 to get in.
They only let in a thousand people a day.
Includes: $20 Lunch, $10 Continental Breakfast, a 7 day pass to Sea World (1 day at Sea World costs $50), an extremely long Lazy River heated to about 83 degrees, an unbelievably huge and awesome Lagoon FILLED with Manta Rays, exotic fish, a Shark Tank and a Barracuda Tank that press up right up to the Lagoon, so one second you're petting a Manta Ray and you look over your shoulder and there's a shark! But trust me, the glass is there.

Almost got into Magic Kingdom for free, ended up costing $142 for me and Annalisa, kids free under 3 I think.

$210 First class flight per person for me, Annalisa, and Isaiah. Would have cost $360 if Annalisa did not find an insane deal. First class anywhere for $210? Craziness. Can't depend on that every time.

Free lodging thanks to the wonderful and generous Ryan and Lorie Ambrosio and they're savvy Condo management skillz.

$36 for an all day pass to Disney Quest. Spent 7 hours there. Awesome.

Vacationing is not cheap. You really have to budget for it. I think based on this experience, we're going to set aside $100 a month just so we can vacation once a year.

I'm totally going to own my dream vehicle one day.
The GMC Savanna. I think I can cram like 12 people in there.

Hey G! Let's pile our families in the van and go see Reno! ROAD TRIP!!!
Hey Upper Room! Let's pile in the van and go do Habitat!
What's that? You wanna go to Cedar Point? I'll drive! One car! One party! We'll split the gas!

One day I'll be driving back from Cedar Point and everyone will be asleep in the back of my 12 person van and I'll be in heaven.

Isn't that what we all want anyways? Loved ones to travel the long roads and dark nights with? It's not a metaphor anymore on the way back home from an amusement park. Bring on the flat tire and broken down engine. Makes for a better story. They shouldn't be called amusement parks, they should be called Memories Parks because you're not just being amused, you're making memories with people you love.

I finished, "The Sparrow" by Mary Doria Russell. It's a good book in that it made me think.
The theological ramifications of finding intelligent life on another planet are intriguing to me. There was sexual tension which is always breath holding fun. Not just sexual tension, but the author went into the mind of a few Jesuit Priests and did a fairly good job of capturing discipline, method, pain, and fulfillment of him connecting with a beautiful woman. It was tastefully and respectfully done.

Did Jesus die for aliens? Do aliens have souls?
I'm not a science fiction freak, but this book was interesting.

For me and my house, if we are painting a room, we have to set aside at least 3 weeks.
The place is a wreck but it's gonna be worth it. Our room looks sweet!
I may or may not have a cost breakdown later.
Another big lesson I learned again. If you're gonna paint, decide right up front if you're gonna have to re-do the baseboards because you really want to paint all the way to floor and then add new baseboards to get the best line.

I now own a scroll saw. Come and delight. You and I will scroll and saw.

This is the year. 2007. My mantra is: "Use It."

Finally I have a peace in my core that I've never really felt before.
It's kind of snuck up on me. But it's there and it can't be anything but spiritual steadiness because there's so much that's not steady.

That peace in the center of me can't be anything but God. He's given me this gift of peace.

I'm going to Use It.
Use it to minister.
Use it to serve.
Use it to give.
Use it to love.

I'm going to use this peace inside of me and be a solid building block for God to build more of His Kingdom on earth and in Heaven.

I want more babies, but Annalisa wants to snowboard.
Go buy Clue DVD Game.

Quick Bass Notes:
Usually use notes from E1 to G3.
E1=42Hz
G3=196Hz

I've discovered that writing slows time down too.

It's also a better indicator of a good day than video or pictures.

Mine and Annalisa's wedding for instance. Pictures or video don't do that day justice like my own chronology captured here.

What does this mean to me?

I think it means that writing now is worth more than a thousand words later.

Whoa. Anecdotes collide. Pretty.

I'm reading "The Sparrow" by... Mary Russell I think... Linguistic Jesuit priest in space. Pimplicious.

You know how great it is when a book grabs you in the first few pages? Love that.

Anyways. I began my Christmas feeding Ethan a bottle at 3am and reading The Sparrow. Delicous contentment. Warm and cozy with my little homey and a book.

Delight followed in our annual trek to other people's houses. High pitched greetings. Raucous White Elephants. Deep comfy couches. Bows, laughter, coniferous everywhere, tired babies. A random DDT. Moments of life contemplation.

Beauty.

How do you share knowing that your children were happy today? What word conveys that joy?
It's like all the fear and love in my heart decided to hug today... They just kicked up their feet and read a book together. That's how I ended my day too.

Christ's Mass.
Christmas.

Nothing was forced leading up to Christmas this year. I fought the temptation many times. A little extra effort on both our parts and stress gets ushered out and humility, sensitivity, and peace enter in.

Gifts were bought. Chores were done.

Was there enough of "remembering that Christmas is celebrating Jesus' birth?"

My little boy calls. He's hungry.

Another day begins.

My last two posts have been about yummy food.

Played bass in the Upper Room Praise Band at a youth retreat last weekend.

One of my minor dreams came true. I played my bass in my Detroit jacket.

Super pimpy. I messed up a bajillion times but it was still awesome.

I think I've said this before, but once someone told me to strive for joy not happiness because happiness can be fleeting.

Joy is at my core right now. The reason why I know this is because I do have a "peace that passeth human understanding."

Cuz I shouldn't be peaceful. There's family problems. There's work problems. There's serious money problems. Money just isn't adding up right now when it comes to saving. We're simply just not meeting a lot of our saving goals. Am I fearful? Yes. Am I worried? Yes. Am I nervous? Yes.

But all this exists at just beneath skin level.

So we'll say there's 3 levels. Skin, Sub-skin, Core.

Skin? Smiling.
Sub-skin? Up and down.
Core? Smiling

Am I not peaceful core? No.
Am I not joyful at my core? No.

Anyways... that's where I'm at right now.

When I was playing the bass, at one point I was jumping up and down with G and that felt awesome. I would occassionally look over my shoulder at J and just smile cuz he's a sweet drummer. We picked up this 21 year Taiwanese hip hop dude that happened to be this freak on the violin. Absolutely amazing.

Ryan takes us to a new crazy level on the keys.
Kelly and Aileen's voices take us to another level.
Shakers and Tamborine bring us up higher.
Throw in the pro violinist and we're professionals.

It was awesome.

I lost to J in fantasy football. I can't tell you how fun it was to cheer on the Bears D.
I can't begin to tell you how much Isaiah and Ethan bring to the table in terms of joy. Joy on tap. They are just life. Real life. Pure. Anger and sadness and happiness are all Isaiah knows. I'm at a loss for words. If you don't know, if you haven't been in the trenches of parenthood, this is one struggle that I do wish for you.

Cons
Up late at night.
Whining.
Crying for silly reasons.
Asking for ridiculous things.
Having to watch their annoying tv shows.
Pure anger.

Pros
Holding them as you fall asleep together.
Listening as they try and sing silly songs you made up.
Watching as they run up hills and slide down slides.
Mauling them with hugs and kisses and zerberts.
Hiding together under covers from monsters. (Shhhh, I scared. No! I scared!)
Pure laughter.

Scared of having kids? You might always be.
Think you're not ready? You might never be.
Don't think you can handle the pain and sacrifice? Maybe you can't.

But you won't ever know what I'm talking about until you know.

I turn 30 in just over 2 months.

Jesus started his real ministry at 30. He died at 33. Changed the world.
Eric started ___ at 30. He died at ___. ___ the world.

I am 29 years old right now.

When I was married I was 26 years old.

I weighed 145 pounds and I could run 3 miles without blinking.

After getting married I gained 15 pounds. That put me at 160 pounds.
After Isaiah was born I gained 15 pounds. That put me at 175 pounds.

I did a Tri in June and afterwards I weighed about 170 pounds.

My "healthy" Body Mass Index for my height, 5'7" is 24. That means I should be at 153 pounds.

I implemented a plan to lose weight incrementally for 8 months so I could get to my healthy BMI weight. This plan went into effect July 2nd. Since then, I've gained 7 pounds.

I'm at 177 now.

We could talk about planning and self discipline and focus and follow through. Exercise and eating right.

But instead let's talk about donuts.

Donuts are like movies, if someone doesn't like the ones you like, they're basically morons.

Which brings us to my absolute truth statement.

The greatest donut in the universe is: Boston Kreme (Dunkin' Donuts)

If you disagree, you can count back three sentences and ponder my perception of thou.

Boston Kreme! The ultimate donut!

I wonder to what extent my affinity for Boston Kreme donuts plays into the failure of my plan.

That's the funny thing about donuts you love.

It's like.... MMMMmmmm.... Whatever!

Sweet Georgia Brown
1045 Brush St
Detroit, MI 48226
(313) 965-1245
www.sweetgb.com

I missed a field goal at Ford Field last year. It was a 31 yarder. I made it in my next try, but had I made it the first time, things may have been different. I would have tried a 41 yarder next and maybe we would have gotten more points.

The point is, my GM team came in 4th place in the Detroit Sports Bowl event that was supposed to get the Detroit area excited about the Superbowl.

I was kind of sad when all we won were $50 gift certificates to Sweet Georgia Brown.

Little did I know.
September 27th, 2006 was our 3 year wedding anniversary. We decided to drop off the kids and use the certificates.
Sweet Georgia Brown is an upscale Soul Food restaurant a block from the heart of Greektown. Non-descript and low toned it is unflatteringly tucked under a parking structure. I like that. That's underground cool for sure.

I can say sincerely that this was the best meal I've ever had, and I've had some VERY good meals.

Appetizer
Grilled Chicken, Pepperoni and
Fontina Cheese Quesadilla 8

Entrees
Chef Jerry’s Signature Crab Cakes 28
our jumbo lump crabmeat and shrimp cakes with woodford
spicy bourbon mustard sauce and fresh asparagus

Detroit’s Original Fried Lobster 37
twin lobster tails flash fried, served with creole dirty rice
and broccolini, woodford spicy bourbon
mustard sauce

Dessert
Georgia Peach Cobbler with Specialty
Peach Ice Cream 9

You MUST try each of these if you get the chance before you die.
Granted, unless I get another $50 gift certificate, there's no way I'm paying such insane prices for real. Those numbers are the price. I didn't want to fool you into thinking anything else.

I was so proud of Detroit that night. I enjoyed the company of my beautiful and loving wife again. We walked through Greektown and found a shop that sells vintage black and white photographs of Detroit. There was one in 1916 that blew me away. Detroit looked so alive, hopeful, and optimistic.

On the way back to the car, a dull roar turned into a fearful cry of mass joy and poured over the buildings and flooded the streets. A Tiger had hit a home run. Annalisa and I smiled at each other.

Ethan slept through the night mostly all this week. I slept more than 6 hours straight every day this week. I'm starting to see colors again.

Detroit, the Tigers, and me.

Alive. Hopeful. Optimistic.

Now, love is not a feeling in your chest
It is bending down to wash another’s feet
It is faithful when the sun is in the west
And in the east

It can hurt you as it holds you
In its overwhelming flood
Till only the unshakeable is left
“This new command I give you,” He said,
“Love as I have loved”
So brother, love her better than yourself
And give her your heart

For the love of God
In the name of Jesus
The groom who gave his life
To love his bride

For The Love of God
Andrew Peterson

This is not the end here at this grave
This is just a hole that someone made
Every hole was made to fill
And every heart can feel it still--
Our nature hates a vacuum

This is not the hardest part of all
This is just the seed that has to fall
All our lives we till the ground
Until we lay our sorrows down
And watch the sky for rain

There is more
More than all this pain
More than all the falling down
And the getting up again
There is more
More than we can see
From our tiny vantage point
In this vast eternity
There is more

A thing resounds when it rings true
Ringing all the bells inside of you
Like a golden sky on a summer eve
Your heart is tugging at your sleeve
And you cannot say why
There must be more

There is more
More than we can stand
Standing in the glory
Of a love that never ends
There is more
More than we can guess
More and more, forever more
And not a second less

There is more than what the naked eye can see
Clothing all our days with mystery
Watching over everything
Wilder than our wildest dreams
Could ever dream to be
There is more

More
Andrew Peterson

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"

-------
Haahahaaaa... wheeeee.....

Ivan & Allison

Discuss.

Ethan Crying

"Daddy." ZZZzzzzzzz.....

Isaiah woke me up this morning by saying that and falling back asleep. He really is such a good little boy. He can be very sweet.

Well... Annalisa's been having contractions since 3:30am this morning...
She was supposed to be induced at 7am this morning so Ethan seems to be embracing the inevitable. We've been embracing it for a few weeks now.

I grew up playing one on one and two on two basketball. So far it's been two on one so I guess it's been a proverbial cakewalk. Two on two. Forever. I'm not as scared this time around, but sometimes I do get hit with extreme bouts of fear for Ethan's health. But what can you do?

Well, you can pray for us! Any thoughts or prayers would be very much appreciated. We truly believe they help.

I used to be sweet at two on two. Probably won't be the same though.

For our wedding, the philosophy was, "Just fill the room with as much love as possible, and see what happens."

I guess we're still just doing that.

God is good.

3:30am - Contractions start
6:30am - Leave for hospital
8:30am - Annalisa starts to walk around and use birthing ball
We're watching Sportscenter and Friends on DVD. The nurse's names are Kelly and Christine. Annalisa is at 3cm, 70%, and -2 station.
10:30am - 3cm, 70%, -2
12:30pm - Eric's burger arrives.
1:10pm - Nurse declares she will break water in 20min.
1:30pm - Resident Kammie breaks water
1:40pm - Annalisa asks for epidural
We're watching Remember the Titans... but DVD won't work.
2:10pm - Epidural administered. Catheter administered.
4:20pm - 4-5cm dilated. Pitosin declared to be necessary.
4:45pm - Pitosin administered.
5:15pm - Pitosin increased.
5:30pm - 6-7cm dilated.
6pm - Pressure felt in butt. Epidural syringe refilled.
7:15pm - Start big pushing.
7:24m - Ethan born.

Ethan Ambrosio Agustin
7lb 8oz.
20"
:)

Americans should buy whatever brand of car they want. But buying from the Big Three is better for the country.
Foreign auto makers have done a great job building cars in the U.S. At first, the “transplants” were little more than screwdriver operations, assembling kits they imported from Japan. But over time, they have added more and more value to what they make in America.
Today, they have styling studios, engineering centers and proving grounds in the U.S. Collectively, they employ tens of thousands of Americans and pay a boat-load of taxes. A number of the vehicles they make here now have as much, or more, domestic content than their Big Three counterparts.
Even though the anti-import crowd points to all the profits that foreign auto makers repatriate to their home countries, I just shrug my shoulders.
What's the profit margin on the cars they make here? Ten percent? That means 90 cents of every dollar they get from cars they make here, stays here. As an American citizen, I'll take that kind of return every day.
And yet, despite all the benefits foreign auto makers bring to America, they don't do enough — compared with the Big Three that is. They still import an awful lot of cars, nearly 3 million — the equivalent of importing the entire U.K. market every year.
And for all the value the foreigners have added here, they still don't do their core engineering in the U.S. They don't create platforms here. They don't design the powertrains, drivetrains, chassis or suspensions.
They don't develop the electronic architectures. They don't conduct the crash testing. All of this is done in their home countries.
Meanwhile, it's General Motors, Ford and Chrysler that are doing the most recruiting at American colleges to fill every kind of job imaginable. They're the ones buying the American-made super computers and hiring the people to program them.
They're the ones doing the computational fluid dynamics here before they go into their wind tunnels. This is where they do their manufacturing engineering.
These are the companies with the greatest diversity of employees, supporting the greatest number of communities and adding the most value to the American way of life.
Sure, the Big Three are doing some off-shoring; they're laying off workers; and they're importing cars. But the size of their contribution to the American economy still dwarfs everything the foreign auto makers are doing.
You may say, “So what? The import brands offer the kinds of cars I want to buy.”
Well, more power to you. Go buy whatever you want. That's the American way. But if you want to get the best ripple effect for the dollars you're spending, buy American.

You're a lemon. Like a bad car, there's something inherently defective in you. And you. And me! All of us here we're lemons! Big, juicy, acidic, ice-tea flavoring lemons! We look like everyone else but we're defective because when most people make a bet they want to win, while we, the degenerate gamblers of the world, we're subconsciously playing to lose. All humans like going to the edge of the abyss, but what makes us different is we go all the way and hurl ourselves off into the void! And we like doing it so much we do it time after time after time! Me? I always felt most alive when they were raking away the chips, and every one here knows what I'm talking about. People like us, even when we win, it's just a matter of time before we give it all back. But when we lose, and I mean the kind of loss that makes your butthole pucker to the size of a decimal point, there's a moment when you're standing there and you've just recreated the worst possible nightmare this side of malignant cancer for the 20th time and you suddenly realize -- hey, I'm still here, I'm still breathing, I'm still alive! In order to really live you have to be aware of your own mortality -- and a losing bet of a certain size is one of the best ways I know of getting that feeling. When you win, you defy death, but when you lose, you survive it, and that's remarkable! Us lemons, we mess stuff up on purpose! We need to constantly remind ourselves that we're alive! Gambling's not the problem, Your need to feel something, to convince yourself you exist, test what's really real, that's the problem!
- Two For The Money

I participated in the Ann Arbor Triathlon yesterday. I “trained” for it for a good 5 months. I say “trained” because I don’t feel that any of my “training” prepared me for this.

The Swim
The swim gets it’s own heading because an experience this terrifying needs to be respected. When I write, “I almost died” it sounds cliché. But it’s true. I Almost Died. Flash to me in January in the Stevenson High School Swimming pool doing math. The tri swim is a half mile. That’s 5,280 feet. Half of that is 2640 feet. The pool at Stevenson is 25 meters long. Let’s call it 25 yards which is 75 feet. So there and back is one lap which is 150 feet. So two laps is 300 feet. Eight times 300 = 2400 feet and 8 times 2 laps is 16 laps. Close enough. So if I can do 16 laps in this pool, I’ll be good for the tri. So that’s 4 non stop laps by the end of February, 8 by the end of March, 12 by the end of April and 16 by the end of May. So every week I need to add a lap since I only have time to swim once a week.

Flash to me skipping weeks cuz I’m exhausted from work and I don’t have the heart to leave my wonderful pregnant wife with a crazy 1 year old. Flash to me cheating and stopping to rest halfway between laps because I’m tired. Flash to me ignoring minor and major flaws in my stroke.

8:17am - Flash to a hundred or so chartreuse swim caps worn by 15-29 year old males up to their waste in Halfmoon Lake awaiting the starting horn. There is a lone red swim cap to the far right of the group. A red beacon of hope for me. A beacon of my despair for others who care about me.

Red swim caps are worn by 30-39 year old males. They are Wave 1 and their start time was at 8am. Light Blue swim caps are worn by women 35 and older and men who are 50 and older. They are Wave 2 and their start time was at 8:05am. Chartreuse swim caps are worn by 15-29 year old males, we’re Wave 3, and our start time is at 8:18am. White swim caps are worn by 34 and younger women, they’re Wave 4, and their start time is at 8:23am. Yellow swim caps are worn by 40-49 year old men, they’re Wave 5, and their start time is at 8:30am.

So the Red swim caps in Wave 1 left at 8am. All except one. One was still by me in my Chartreuse cap.

My friend Michael Antiporta was one of six roommates my sophomore year in college. He was my Keeper all through college Intramural soccer. Many a game of Squabble and Chess and real life have been pored over by our minds. He has been a confidant, an ally, a groomsman, an epic friend in difficult times. He said he’d stay by me through the swim. He’s 30, so he wore a Red swim cap.

I felt fine before the race started. The water was 72 degrees and the air was 70 degrees. We were all wearing wetsuits because anything less than 78 degree water and you’re allowed to. The wetsuit keeps you warm and buoyant.

When the horn sounded, I just started to swim as normal. We were supposed to swim clockwise around the 6 buoys.

3 4

2 5

1 6

START/FINISH

Halfway to the first buoy and things start to not be cool. Everyone seems to be swimming much faster than me. That’s odd. I’m getting tired too. What’s going on?

I’m at the first buoy now and the story is unfolding. I’m very slow. The water accumulating in the arms of my slightly too large wetsuit feel like 10 pound weights. I’m starting to hyperventilate. I’m kicking like I’m dog paddling. I flip over on my back to backstroke because I heard you could do that when you need to rest. I’m broken.

“Porta… nothing feels right.”

“You’re okay.”

“Porta… I’m… so… scared.” The fear in my voice makes me more scared.

“You’re panicking. You need to relax.”

I’m panicking, I need to relax. Okay, slow down breathing. Try to enjoy the water. Annalisa must be so worried. I can’t believe how slow I am. Okay. Try and swim again.
Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Breathe. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Breathe. This sucks, I’m a little past the first buoy and I’m exhausted. How did I get here?
A few more strokes and I’m on my back again breathing quickly. My arms hurt and I ponder taking off my wetsuit.
A few more iterations of stroke and on my back. I have a weak little system that now seems to be working. It incorporates stroking as much as I can normally and then flipping over when I get out of sync or scared. Maybe this will work.

I’m at the second buoy now. I’m spent. Something scarier is happening. When I flip over I start to get dizzy. I get scared of being dizzy so I try to swim normally. I swim normally and I get too tired so I flip over. The weak system is breaking down further.
I continue to struggle.

I’m tired so I flip to my backstroke. I start to say the Lord’s Prayer because that usually calms me down. “Our Father, who art in Heaven,” Then it happens. The blackness starts to creep into the peripheral of all my vision.

Oh my gosh. I’m passing out.

I flip over and start to swim normally to try and stop myself from losing consciousness. But I’m still spent so I don’t last long. I have to go to my backstroke again. When I do, a larger wave happens to wash over my face and I swallow a bunch of water. Panic. I try to maintain even though I continue to be terrified. The water is getting more agitated and more water is splashing in my face.

Oh no. They caught me.

The 34 and younger women in Wave 4 have caught me. They’re like a stampede of white caps. Kicking up more water and creating general chaos I’m sure I’ll be overrun, so I concede. I can’t do this. My arms don’t work anymore. I’m blacking out and swallowing tons of water. I’m thinking about how I can call the boat over to pick me up. I’m thinking about how to explain to Annalisa that I couldn’t do it. I’m thinking…

“Don’t worry, I’ll block for you.”

Porta. He said he’ll block for me so the girls won’t put me under. Oh man. So I try again. I go back to trying to swim normally and do the things I said would do when I was training. The shame of being caught by all the girls is strong, but the least of my worries. How do I tell the boat I’ve got nothing left? The white caps are starting to thin out when I hear a voice.

“Hey green cap! Hey green cap!”
I stop and wade. It’s the boat.

“Hey green cap! You okay?”

…

“UHHH…. YEAH! I’M OKAY!”

What have I done? I try to keep swimming as if I’m okay.
I can feel the boat watching me. I can feel Annalisa worrying. A few more minutes of the swimming façade and we approach the 3rd buoy.

“Here’s the turn, you’re doing good.”

I love Porta.
All the white caps have passed me now. I’m parallel to shore so I get a glimpse of land with every breath on my right. The water is more calm.

1,2,3, breathe. 1,2,3 breathe. 1,2,3 breathe. 1,2, panic, flip, backstroke, backstroke, flip. 1,2,3 breathe. 1,2,3 breathe. 1,2, panic…etc.

My stroke sucks. How did it come to this? I’m so far from shore. I’m kicking too much. I should’ve practiced more in this wetsuit. I can’t string together 3 lengths of breaths.

“You got it man.”

Porta again. Wow. I need to buy him something expensive. I’m halfway home.

The fourth buoy. Turn and go home. But I’m blind without my glasses and there are a few orange blobs in the distance to aim for. I pick the orange blob on the far left.

“One more buoy man.”

Porta told me when we started that you gotta take it one buoy at a time.

1,2,3 breathe. 1,2,3 breathe. 1,2 panic, flip, backstroke, backstroke… mouthful of water, splash, splash, gasp. Crap.

Wave 5. The Yellow swim caps. 40-49 year old men. They left 12 minutes after me and they caught me.

How humiliating. There’s no way that Porta could have anticipated how slow I was. He wouldn’t have said he would stay by me if he knew. He’s blocking for me again. I’m so ashamed. I figure I have to honor his effort by giving more of my own. It’s not much but I’ll give it to him.

Right when I get to the fifth buoy, I feel a large hand on the small of my back. It pushes me down slightly. Before I go under I see a large yellow cap go by me on my immediate right. I’m under for a moment and try to recover. I look to my back left and there’s Porta right with me. There’s a yellow cap to my left who is going slow. There’s a white cap on her back facing me, visibly struggling to finish. She’s gasping for air. It’s terrible I know, but their struggle encouraged me. I didn’t feel as alone or ashamed. I was just one of them trying to finish. So I just swam.

By the sixth buoy it occurred to me that I wasn’t going to drown or die. My stroke is still terrible. I never relaxed fully. I never found my groove. I never felt good. But I wasn’t going to die. So that’s pretty good.

I’m impatient to finish. I’m rushing and frantic. I’m doggie paddling, freestyling, backstroking, sidestroking. Anything to be done. Finally, the water gets really murky and brown. I spot land beneath me. I say screw it I know I’m still far out, but I want to touch the ground. So I try.

Nothing.

I thought the ground was closer but it’s still really far away. I just have to keep swimming until I know for sure. So I keep going a little further and finally I see Porta rising out of the water. I put my feet down and stand up. I’m completely disoriented. The beach is bare. There’s a few people cheering for us. It’s Ryan, Lorie, and Annalisa.
I’m dizzy and tired, sheepish and humbled. I wanted to hug them. But all I could say was, “Thanks.”

I had 14 miles of hills to ride my bike on, and 5 miles of trail I had to run still.

The transition area from swim to bike was on the top of a hill I had to run up. When we got to the top, Porta went to his bike and me to mine. I tried to wipe off my feet as best I could, but there was still a bunch of sand on my feet. I put on my socks and shoes anyways and I saw Porta go by me. He said something like “Pedal hard!” Hmmm… I love to ride my bike. Rowena called out to me and it turns out she was in the transition area still too. It was nice to see her. I downed a Gu pack and some water and took off.

I love riding my bike. The wind rushes in your ears and the sun shines and it’s fun to pedal. So I was gonna treat myself and have fun because even though I knew there were hills, I knew I wouldn’t drown on them. Plus, if I don’t have fun, I know I’ll never do this again. I’m about a mile into the bike and Rowena catches me. She says something like, “Just a joyride now!” She was right. It was a joy. But as I watched her pull away from me, I noticed she had good form. Her bike seat was set higher than mine and her back was bent low with her head down. Very aerodynamic. I was super Mary Poppins tra la la-ing. There were some big hills. Nothing crazy. I would just switch down to lower gears when it got too difficult. When I got to the top of some hills and rode the slope down, I was just short of sticking my feet straight out and yelling, “Wheeee!” Great fun. Some hills were quite difficult, and I learned that you can’t always switch gears when you want to. You kind of have to anticipate what you’ll need 15 seconds before it happens because if you get into a hill at too difficult a gear ratio, some times your chain won’t want to jump to the right gear mid climb. So I had to stand up sometimes and pedal hard and when I did I pretended I was Lance Armstrong on the Tour. I would smile big when I got to the top.

I tried to drink lots of water because I heard I would need it on the run.

There was one down hill where I know it was the fastest I’ve ever been on a bike. One rock or one bad bump in the road and I’m going flying. I did not stay low and aerodynamic. I let the wind hit me square in the face and chest and my eyes started to water. It was awesome. Whee!

Ryan, and Lorie, and Annalisa were right there when I finished the bike. They were all smiles and incredibly encouraging.

I racked my bike and had another Gu pack and some water. I ran off with two more Gu packs in hand.

The day was beautiful. It turned out to be 70 degrees and sunny all day. Not too cold for the swim, not too hot for anything else. The spectators didn’t fry either so that was nice. I would have felt terrible if Annalisa, just about 9 months pregnant, had to endure bad weather too.

My legs were a little achy, but I was just praising God for great weather. The day before, I had gone into the first quarter mile of the run with the group to see how it was. So I kind of knew how it would start. We’re not talking about a trail. We’re talking about a T-R-A-I-L. We’re talking 4 inches of dirt/gravel/rocks and then brush on your left and right. The trees cover most the sky but the blue and sun still peeked through. Occasionally, there would be flats of 2 foot wide sand to run on, but that never lasted long. Roots would stick up 2 or 3 inches to trip you. Fist sized rocks were everywhere waiting for you to turn an ankle on them. We were cautioned that one year, poison ivy leaned onto the heads of the trail runners and got them. You also didn’t want to slow down for very long or the mosquitoes would make you regret it.

The first mile marker goes by and I’m thinking, “Hey, that wasn’t bad.” So the trail got mad at me and began to punish me for running it.

All I can say is that the trail understood how to break you. Hope can get people through the most difficult times. When villains use hope as a tool to inflict more pain. Those are the most Machiavellian dramas. The trail knew how to use hope to hurt me.

The trail would tell a tale. She would whisper that this upcoming hill is indeed difficult, but if you were to endure it up until it disappears at the top around the bend, you surely will have a downhill slope to catch your breath. Being unfamiliar with her, I believed her sordid story. I believed that if I worked hard now, I would be rewarded at the top. So I worked and I battled, and I slipped, and maintained and as the top around the bend approached I anticipated looking down on a slope opposite the one I had just labored heavily to conquer.

Then her lie revealed itself.

Twice as high. Twice as steep. She had to be laughing at me, especially when I believed her again and again. The only good that came of all this deception was the fact that I was somehow distracted long enough to miss the mile 2 marker. There was no other explanation than I missed it or had my head down when I was trying to avoid treachery. I fully expected to see the 3 mile marker soon. There was an explanation though, and I broke again when I understood. Her deceit knew no boundaries. When the conspicuous white sign with the number 2 on it came into my field of vision I was angry I had been lied to again.

“I hate you trail! Die and eat my poop!”

Had I screamed this, I was so alone in the woods far behind the 34 and under women and 40-49 year old men, that only the trail would have been offended. I had a Gu pack. I looked at the top of my fist near my thumb. I had Annalisa write a word there to help me with perspective on pain. Another word was on my opposite hand.

Those words snapped me back. I remembered that I know pain, and this isn’t it.
Pain takes all your insides and makes it empty. Pain takes all your dreams and plans you had in your life and dangles it on a string. It lets go and watches you crumble when you understand your idea of how things would work out will never be. Pain stays in your mind and makes sunny days gray and children’s laughter annoying. Depression, psychiatric therapy, physical rehab, a deep and ominous feeling of loss, days weeks and years you can’t get back, this is pain. I know pain, I’ve seen pain in the eyes of my friends and family.

This isn’t pain. This is a jog through the woods. Calling it a “run” would be a disrespect to runners since I was going so slow.

This. Is. Not. Pain.

That’s the phrase I repeated in my head until the fourth mile marker. By this point I had convinced my self the cramp in my right quad was not pain. But it was actually quite painful. I had a Gu pack and the cramp almost immediately went away. Sweeeet. Go Gu.

When my no pain mantra got boring I would repeat,

You. Must. Love. Me.

Because I truly believe nature was meant to be enjoyed by humans. Especially beautiful days when you get to take a swim and feel wind on your face and the sun keeps you and your loved ones warm. Not every day is like this so I felt very loved.

The final quarter mile or so was on uphill pavement. Bye bye trail! I’ll like you more when I get to know you better. My mind determined that the end was near and started to systematically shut down parts of my body. First my left quad, then my right quad again, then my right hamstring. The final hundred meters was a downhill slope and my legs were done.

When I crossed the finish line, everyone was so kind and encouraging. It was great. They all waited for me. I love ‘em. I had to stretch my quads immediately because they were so cramped up.

Annalisa said I did a good job and that she was proud of me. What more is there?

My total time - 2:55:14
Swim – 32:51
Transition 1 – 4:54
Bike – 1:07:22
Transition 2 – 2:17
Run – 1:07:50

I finished 549th out of 560 overall.
I finished slowest in my 15-29 year old male age group.
I finished 1hour and 35 minutes behind the first place male.
I finished 1hour and 25 minutes behind the first place female.
I finished 55 minutes behind the slowest 55-59 year old females.
I finished 50 minutes behind the slowest 60-64 year old males.
I finished 17 minutes behind Porta on the bike.
I finished 13 minutes behind Porta on the run.

Lessons Learned

Train in open water for goodness sake. Don’t cheat yourself in training.
Train in your own wetsuit that fits you.
Buy the lower handle bars for goodness sake.
Learn to pedal correctly and keep your body in good form.
Train on hills and learn how and when to shift.
Buy a decent pair of running shoes. Don’t use the 900 peso pair of faux Nike shox from the Philippines.
Train on hills and use the muscles you’re supposed to use to get up them.
Have someone to train with you.
Learn to suffer well. Jesus suffered well. William Wallace suffered well. You can learn to push a little harder.

I loved seeing everybody. I loved going through that with them. Even though I went through most of it a little while after they did. I was reminded why I love soccer so much. A lot of it is that you’re going into battle together. I love to say, “It’s the struggle that binds.” When people go through things together it binds them in ways they can’t explain. In my opinion, the absolute best part about this Tri was the swim. It was so real and so terrifying and I could not have gotten through it without Porta. We are now bound. We are bound tighter now than we were having endured my difficult struggle. Only he and I know what really transpired on that water and we are bound tighter because of it. On your death bed I’m told you remember relationships you’ve made first and foremost before work and accomplishments. And what builds good relationships? You can say communication and honesty. But I say it’s the struggle endured together that builds great relationships. To have heroes, you need villains to battle. Some days you have neither. That day I had both.

I literally felt like I was going to drown. I had mentally and physically given up. What good is a friend if not to help you through difficult times? Now I know that there is one more person who would never let me drown, who is patient enough to stay with me, and smart enough to know how to help. When the time comes, I hope to do the same.

Michael Antiporta

Thanks and I love you man.

ps.
US over Italy: 2-1